Thoughts and such like.....
Yesterday I woke up to a winter wonderland, as I said in my facebook page, "who moved my house?" I had gone to bed with the rain pounding down and woke up to approximately 6 inches of snow, beautiful, however it changed how I spent my day. Life tends to do that to us, and often it isn't as beautiful as the scene before me yesterday morning. However, as you've probably heard before it's not what happens, it's how we react to what happens that matters. We cannot control a lot of stuff like the weather, whether our company is downsizing, whether our peers and others are rude/disrespectful to us, but we can change how we react to each of these actions. Yesterday, I had planned to continue painting my office, but as I watched the sun come out and how it twinkled on the snow, a visual delight, I felt my resentment at this unexpected change, melt away (couldn't resist the pun!). My car, of course being at the bottom of the driveway meant I had to clear the driveway, and it would depend on the roads around me as to whether I could get out to shop. My plans to paint, and then spent some of the day shopping and people watching as I walked, slowly disappeared.
But instead of grumbling I got up cooked myself a yummy breakfast which I ate sitting at the window with this amazing postcard perfect vision in front of me, and then did the filling and painting that I had planned for the day. Then, with the sun still shining, I donned a cap, my hiking boots and tackled the snow. It was easy, well not easy but because I went at it without resentment and took in the beauty, it was a lot easier than if I had gone at it with feelings of being hard done by. I was even able to fill in a little walk afterward, and shopping, except for the cat, who cared, I had enough food in my cupboards, just had to be a bit more creative!
If we look at what is happening around us, and keep asking why is it me that bad things always happen to, we are going to embrace thoughts of being treated unfairly, or mistreated, and we miss the beauty of what is around us, or those individuals who support us , we're so caught up in the 'poor me', syndrome we miss out on other 'brighter' things. The kindness of a co-worker, the smile of a homeless person, the fact someone left cookies in the the kitchen! Sometimes this 'poor me' is because we've set ourselves up, we expect certain things to happen, or people to support us and they don't? Did they know our expectations? Life happens in it's own mysterious way, and although we may not like it, we can start to look at the opportunities that change brings us.
Sometimes the best way to bust resentment is to look inside ourselves, and ask what did I do to set myself up and what can I do to get out of this funk? I don't mean if life hits you unexpectedly that you should grin insanely and pretend everything is right, more take a few minutes, alone, and think about why you're feeling the way you do, what was it that you thought might/would happen, and how can you turn it around - for you, or at least take away the bitterness that you may be feeling...
Unexpected change happens to us all, taking the time to be aware of your feelings, how they appear and why, can make us more adaptable and happier with life.
Throughout the course of a week, I participate and sometimes observe many meetings, in both I observe the people involved. One week I participated in a meeting and was particularly gobsmacked (a great descriptive word!) at the behaviour of one person, let's call him Jack.
Jack's colleague arrived on time and noted that Jack might be late. We waited a short while and decided to begin our discussion. Some twenty minutes into the allotted time Jack arrived and sat down, no apology. His mobile rang and he took it out of his pocket, checked the number and continued with our conversation, he paused and began to scroll his e-mail. Eventually noting the silence from myself and my colleague he looked up, stopped and turned his mobile upside down. He then began to note that his colleagues, with one in the room, are lazy and that was part of the problem he is there to fix. Rather than listening to what was being said, he talked, not allowing for silence, or space to absorb both the atmosphere and the impact of his words. Thirty minutes after he arrived, he looked at the clock and stood up, ready to dash to another meeting.
In todays world, many may chose to ignore the simple forms of business etiquette. I am not one of them. My opinion of Jack has now been formed and it will take a lot to change it. How often do we do tiny things without thought? Taking out our mobile to check messages, when in a meeting or at a workshop? Speaking loudly into our mobile in a public place, unaware, or maybe uncaring that anyone could be listening, and forming opinions of our behaviour and more importantly our business. Speaking without thinking of the impact of our statements.
Coaching Jack, I would ask how he would handle a colleague who spoke disparagingly of him and his co-workers? I would ask what image did he wish to convey as a businessman and of the employer he was representing?
What else would you suggest Jack change? How would you have handled his behaviour, as the colleague in the room, and as one of the individuals he was meeting?
As business people, we expect some level of politeness. Being rude to others demonstrates a lack of respect, do you believe Jack wanted to project that image?
Let me know your thoughts and experiences in this new technological world!
Maeve O'Byrne's Blog