Thoughts and such like.....
Authenticity, being true to oneself; understanding where we are coming from through reflection and understanding - working from the inside out. In the Third Act we talk of this inside out transition, doing a personal audit, how we view ourselves, how we treat ourselves and how we view knowledge we own, as well as how we use our experience and skills in the world.
When we talk of the Third Act transition we are challenging ourselves to look at who we are in the world, not who we project but who we really are inside - we can change how we are seen in the world, we can change our circumstances, our country .... but if we are unhappy inside nothing will shift for us until we change ourselves and do the inner work.
Inner work can be scary, we cannot hide from our true selves. We can try to ignore it, we can make up stories about who we are and how we became, but until we dig into those old hurts, all the wounds we have carried throughout the years, whether they are from childhood, or more recently from where we work/play, we will never truly be authentic. I believe we all need to challenge ourselves to look our fears in the eye, question self-limiting beliefs and toxic ways of thinking, and understand what our underlying fears are.
In the introduction to their book 'Immunity to Change' (amzn.to/2oGQ6pX), Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey talk of a medical study that showed when doctors tell heart patients they will die if they don't change their habits, only one in seven will be able to follow through successfully. Their book is an eye opener into the human brain and the challenges we all face in overcoming resistance and transforming our lives. They look at what it is that prevents us from making changes that, literally in some cases, can make the difference between life or death. They talk about not only uncovering fears that stop us from making changes, but how we protect ourselves consciously, and unconsciously, from doing the very thing we want. Competing Commitments - an example being of a father wanting to be a better listener, thinking he 'may look stupid' to his teenagers, and thus feel humiliated. Therefore he acts in a way that protects him from this threat but in doing so prevents himself from achieving his goal of being a better listener and too, feeling closer to his children.
You can't wish to change and then expect it to happen overnight, it comes from deep inside and believing you can change is a major step in moving forward. Changing a habit of a lifetime is not easy, often it's easier to give up than to persevere, however, it can be done, and understanding that there will be setbacks is part of the journey. Even as we do begin to understand these fears and competing commitments, we often have trouble forgiving ourselves if we step off the path. It takes courage to step right back on and move forward, in AA they call it taking one day at a time. Some say it's easier to tell others and ask them to hold you accountable, others believe it is better to hold the change to yourself. I think you need to decide what works best for you!
Transition by its very nature means moving forward - there is no end, it's ongoing and that's the way is should be, we can rest, reflect on how far we've come but it's a journey, we can take a detour, but we should never presume to be at the end - nobody is that perfect! There's always something I want to change in my life, however one small step at a time, I'm not going to waste energy fighting who I am, what I'm doing is making small changes, working at them so that they become ingrained, and I'm no longer thinking about 'having' to remember, then I move onto something else. An example: I wanted to meditate each night: So I found an app I like and use it. It has become part of my night time ritual, however there have been nights when I've been too tired or simply forgot, I don't beat myself up about it, I just tune in the next night and continue on.
As you instigate changes in your life, now and then take time to reflect on how far you've come - celebrate those steps you've taken to becoming the person you wish to be. Our Third Act is a time when we can do this work, learn from it and make changes that can allow us to truly be who we were meant to be. It is not a time for regrets of what might have been, but rather a time of celebration, of a new and exciting adventure or journey, and a time for us.
If you would like help, find a coach and/or support team that will help you on your journey. Remember you only have one life to live, you are in charge of how you live it, take time to enjoy the journey and embrace the changes that continue to occur. Live the life that's left to you with joy, gratitude, positivity, and happiness while fulfilling the dreams you have carried throughout your life!
If you would like support in instigating changes into your life, why not contact me and make an appointment for a free discovery session.
Maeve O'Byrne's Blog