Thoughts and such like.....
Once would expect at a certain time of life that challenges with difficult people would either no longer bother us, or we’d be well versed in dealing/working with them. However, I’m finding even in this new life, where I can pick and chose my clients, that that is not always so! Sometimes when working with some clients, I wonder ‘how did they get so far in their career with that attitude?’ What on earth were the hiring committee thinking? And other such negative thoughts, judging and finding fault, something a coach shouldn’t be doing. When I have find myself in that position it is galling to know I’m not as immune as I would like, and that strangers can still press my buttons and tie me into knots.
Finding myself in this situation, where I don’t want to deal with a client any longer, where nothing is right, each suggestion comes back with the fact that they are the expert, they know how it should be done because they have done it before….. I have to bite my tongue where a nasty retort may sit about how their supposed expertise wouldn’t have led them to being sent to my front door. However this behaviour has had me researching and wondering if and how I might be able help this type of ‘know it all’ or negative person to see how their behaviour impedes them, their relationships, and reaching the dreams they hold dear.
When working with individuals, particularly if I find myself questioning something, I often go back to my first impressions and intuition… what did I first think and/or feel about the individual? What was it about them that gave me these impressions? My impression of ‘know it all's’ is that often they are insecure, lack empathy and may have an oversize ego. Harsh, maybe but often very true. In her Gamache series, Louise Penny’s protagonist poet Ruth published a book of poems called ‘I’m FINE’ . An acronym: F#*ked up, insecure, neurotic, and egotistical! I love this description of such a common banal way of responding to ‘How are you?”, it tickles me in the right way and in my mind fits this type of personality.
My research has led me to two possible ways to deal with people like this: I can just avoid them, or I can try and help and support them. My conclusion is that if I decide to work with them, I need to mix the two sets of advice. So if a client acts in this way, I try to:
However, it’s not so easy if you have to work with someone like this, or are dealing with a family member. My suggestion would be to follow the above rules, but also to avoid them as much as possible, negative behaviour is catching and you may find yourself following their example without realizing. If you’re working with someone who has this type of personality try and see the humour in the situation(s); who ever knows everything! Find a friend or family member outside work who you can confide in, however limit your time in doing so, or else they may grow tired of listening.
Remember life is for living and you only have this one life. You are in charge of how you live, surrounding yourself with negative people or ‘know it all’s’ will affect your mental health and happiness. So if you find yourself having to work or socialize with someone of this ilk, take time away and do what you can to ensure you don’t absorb the negative energy that surrounds them. Live the life you have been given with joy, gratitude and happiness. And, if you need support to instigate changes, or to stand up to negativity, contact me and set up an appointment for a free discovery session.
Maeve O'Byrne's Blog