Thoughts and such like.....
The Third pillar of the Third Act is spirituality. When they hear the word spirituality many people think of religion, but that couldn't be further from the truth - spirituality to me is at the core of who I am as a person. It is about how I operate in this world, what I hold dear, what my values are, and how I live them daily... Spirituality to me is about my soul.
The word 'spirituality' comes from Latin, a noun: spiritualitas, derived from the Greek noun pneuma, meaning spirit. The Oxford English dictionary defines spirit as
'The non-physical part of a person regarded as their true self,
capable of surviving physical death or separation'.
Thomas Moore in his book Care of the Soul (www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/care-of-the-soul-twenty/9780062415677-item.html?ikwid=Care+of+the+soul&ikwsec=Home&ikwidx=0) says that care of this soul 'is not primarily a method of problem solving. Its goal is not to make life problem free, but to give ordinary life the depth and value that come with soulfulness'.
I believe that people can be spiritual, and religious, but that people can spiritual without being religious, or can be religious without being spiritual. Often spirituality shows itself in individual behaviours, contemplative practices such as private prayer, meditation, reflection, journalling and yoga or other meditative activity. And, there is growing research that demonstrates that these spiritual practices are associated with better health and well-being. In the Third Act program participants are encourage to look at values and beliefs that may have been imposed or unconsciously adopted at an early age, and examine whether they still serve today, a kind of self-mastery review. As James Hollis states 'A mature spirituality requires a mature individual. A mature spirituality already lies within each of us, in our potential to take on the mystery as it comes to us, to query it, to risk change and growth, and to continue the revisioning of our journey'. (Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/finding-meaning-in-the-second/9781592402076-item.html?ikwid=finding+meaning+in+the+second+half+of+life&ikwsec=Home&ikwidx=0)
Spiritual people are often described as compassionate, empathetic, and open hearted. Galen Watts suggests that 'there are certain virtues which have come to be associated with spirituality: compassion, empathy and open-heartedness'. He goes onto say that these virtues, or values, denote a high level of self knowledge that demonstrates knowledge of why we act in certain ways, and most importantly, knowledge of our interdependence. (http://theconversation.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-spiritual-87236)
You may ask, surely spirituality and mental health are the same, they do overlap, however I believe that there is a difference. Spirituality is curious, it asks questions about finding meaning and connection, it's internal; Good mental health is about developing a positive state of mind, it's external. They're separate, but intrinsically linked.
My first experience in deepening my own spirituality was during coach training, the premise being that you can't really coach others well, if you haven't looked deeply into yourself - it was an experience that at the beginning I hated, who would want to do this stuff? Literally taking out all my baggage, beliefs and things that I clung to for many years, and ask why? This internal sh*t, who wanted to do it? It was painful, and something I resisted, for a long time - however once I got serious, I was able to let go of a lot of baggage, and more importantly, I was able to forgive and let go of blame and negative feelings. Many spiritual traditions, including traditional religions include a practice of forgiveness. Again, science shows that forgiveness has many health benefits, including longer lifespan, lower blood pressure and fewer feelings of anger and hurt. It can be transformational, looking back and reflecting where we have been, and what we have achieved, then looking forward and seeing possibilities - letting loose our imagination and expanding our mind.
How is your spiritual life? Is it time to take a few minutes each day and examine your being, try meditation, study spiritual ideas or as Thomas Moore suggests: Begin your spiritual life 'with an appreciation for the soul of the world and of all beings'. Your spiritual health is as important as your mental and physical health. Remember you are in charge of how you live this next third of your life, and there is plenty of life left in you to live!
Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, man cannot live without a spiritual life - Buddha
The four pillars behind the Third Act program are Mental, Physical, Spiritual and financial health. In my last blog I spoke of ensuring that we remain healthy in mind, and in this one I'm going to focus on the second pillar - body or our physical health.
'Those who do not find time for exercise will have to find time for illness' Edward Smith-Stanley
Now there are millions of books out there that talk about diet and physical fitness, you may consider yourself fit, you meet the 10,000 steps a day recommendation, you eat healthily, you only drink the occasional glass of wine or beer, and you drink your eight glasses of water per day. However physical health is not just about keeping fit, it's also, and you have probably heard this before, about what we put into our bodies. As Rick Steiner, PhD, in his book Retirement, Different by Design states 'In the end, life at any age is what we choose to make of it..... We can pursue lifestyles that promote physical and mental health, or we can choose to live in ways that seemingly go against our own best interests'. (www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/retirement-different-by-design-six/9781578265565-item.html?ikwid=retirement%2c+different+by+design&ikwsec=Home&ikwidx=0)
Exercise also doesn't mean you have to take up a sport or train to run a marathon, more it's about balance, 30 minutes of walking each day is shown to lower the risk of heart disease and stroke. If you already walk each day, try adding a few minutes each week, what about having an accountability partner to walk with. I love walking on my own, I've always loved it even as a teenager I would take off for hours often coming in late at night from my 'strolls', probably worrying my mother silly, wondering where I was. When I had young kids it was more difficult to get away, however, now I try to get my walk in daily, and when the weather is really foul, I take to my treadmill. I also try to walk with a friend a couple of times a week, it keeps both of us accountable and we have such interesting discussions, often not noticing how far we've gone. Or, you could take up a sport once you have finished your day job. I know of a gentleman who on retiring felt it was important to get fit and so proceeded to learn how to run. He continued well into his 70's competing in seniors games and winning medals until his doctor advised him to shorten the runs due to a heart condition. He continues to do short runs and he took up the pole vault, setting a Canadian record at 85! His attitude on aging is one we all could emulate, 'take care of the body, and keep on learning new things to take care of the mind'.
If you haven't thought about your physical being, or think it's too late, think about the gentleman above, who for most of the 40 years when working had no exercise plan. He certainly didn't feel it was too late. Start small, Spring is an ideal time to get into the habit of walking, begin with a 10 minute stroll and build by 5 minutes each week, or if you have a step tracker spend a couple of minutes each evening for a week, average the number of steps you take each day - try adding 100 steps to that average over the next week and build your plan from there.
Obesity is a real issue in the baby boomer generation, and continues to grow. Unfortunately, people can be obese and malnourished at the same time. Looking at what, and how much you eat as you age is an important strategy against heart disease, cancer, diabetes and a host of other horror illnesses. As the saying goes, you are what you eat - think about becoming a little greener, or at least more green. Once a week have a vegetarian meal, or even a vegetarian day, buy a different vegetable, one you haven't tried before; ask or look up the best way to cook it, experiment with food, make your food life more interesting. A current favourite author right now is Dr. Michael Greger, author of How not to Die, www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/home/search/keywords=How%20not%20to%20Die#internal=1 Dr. Greger tells great stories, and favours a plant based diet. I follow his instructions 95% of the time, and 5%, well let's say I have my moments of indulgence. I believe that this is okay, my diet has definitely improved over the past few years, and as a consequence I feel better. His website: https://nutritionfacts.org is where he investigates nutrition research and provides it free of charge in 'bite size videos'.
I would also suggest you look up what a portion of meat, fish, vegetables look like, and practice portion control. Here's the Dietitian's of Canada website link: www.dietitians.ca/Your-Health/Nutrition-A-Z/Healthy-Eating/Week-3-Portion-Size.aspx . I thought I knew what a portion for each of these food groups looked like - I was so wrong! We all could improve on what and how much we eat, think about how you measure up, and then think about taking mini steps to improve your eating habits.
A third part of being fit in mind and body is ensuring that your emotions don't 'convert into physical systems', as Thomas Moore talks of in his book, Ageless Soul. www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/home/search/?keywords=ageless%20soul#internal=1 Anxiety and worry affects a large number people as they age, and it's effect can be devastating to many individuals. Keeping yourself fit, healthy in mind and body is so important at all stages of life, but particularly as you age, because you are in charge of how you live this next third of your life, and there is plenty of life left in you to live!
If you would like to learn more about the Third Act program, or want to know more about career transition and/or retirement, contact me for a free consultation.
Yesterday I woke up to a winter wonderland, as I said in my facebook page, "who moved my house?" I had gone to bed with the rain pounding down and woke up to approximately 6 inches of snow, beautiful, however it changed how I spent my day. Life tends to do that to us, and often it isn't as beautiful as the scene before me yesterday morning. However, as you've probably heard before it's not what happens, it's how we react to what happens that matters. We cannot control a lot of stuff like the weather, whether our company is downsizing, whether our peers and others are rude/disrespectful to us, but we can change how we react to each of these actions. Yesterday, I had planned to continue painting my office, but as I watched the sun come out and how it twinkled on the snow, a visual delight, I felt my resentment at this unexpected change, melt away (couldn't resist the pun!). My car, of course being at the bottom of the driveway meant I had to clear the driveway, and it would depend on the roads around me as to whether I could get out to shop. My plans to paint, and then spent some of the day shopping and people watching as I walked, slowly disappeared.
But instead of grumbling I got up cooked myself a yummy breakfast which I ate sitting at the window with this amazing postcard perfect vision in front of me, and then did the filling and painting that I had planned for the day. Then, with the sun still shining, I donned a cap, my hiking boots and tackled the snow. It was easy, well not easy but because I went at it without resentment and took in the beauty, it was a lot easier than if I had gone at it with feelings of being hard done by. I was even able to fill in a little walk afterward, and shopping, except for the cat, who cared, I had enough food in my cupboards, just had to be a bit more creative!
If we look at what is happening around us, and keep asking why is it me that bad things always happen to, we are going to embrace thoughts of being treated unfairly, or mistreated, and we miss the beauty of what is around us, or those individuals who support us , we're so caught up in the 'poor me', syndrome we miss out on other 'brighter' things. The kindness of a co-worker, the smile of a homeless person, the fact someone left cookies in the the kitchen! Sometimes this 'poor me' is because we've set ourselves up, we expect certain things to happen, or people to support us and they don't? Did they know our expectations? Life happens in it's own mysterious way, and although we may not like it, we can start to look at the opportunities that change brings us.
Sometimes the best way to bust resentment is to look inside ourselves, and ask what did I do to set myself up and what can I do to get out of this funk? I don't mean if life hits you unexpectedly that you should grin insanely and pretend everything is right, more take a few minutes, alone, and think about why you're feeling the way you do, what was it that you thought might/would happen, and how can you turn it around - for you, or at least take away the bitterness that you may be feeling...
Unexpected change happens to us all, taking the time to be aware of your feelings, how they appear and why, can make us more adaptable and happier with life.
In my blog and on my website, I've talked about the Third Act and some of you have asked what do I mean by The Third Act? This was an idea introduced to me by my friend Edward Kelly. Ed introduced and has taught the concept for the past few years initially in Ireland and now across Europe. We are living longer, and the idea of retirement, as conceived in our parents and grandparents day has changed.
Image your life as a play. The beginning, Act One, like a play sets the stage for your life: You are born and the influences you have during childhood and adolescence, the family you are born into, where you live, the principals and values that are instilled in you and that you may still live by are formed during this time. This is the nature/nurture period, and sets the stage for your Second Act.
In your Second Act, there may be further development and learning – like the second act of a play there is growth, maybe complications. You are independent, building a career, partnering, bringing up a family, saving for later… Independent, however as you progress through this act there are often others dependent on you. Often in a play the Second Act ends with questions, so too as we transition to the end of this act, we wonder - What happens next? What should I do now? Is this old, I don't feel old? How do I proceed without the structures and supports that I have had throughout my lifetime? Is this it?
Our Third Act is a time for reflection and transformation, longevity has given us the gift of time, today there is a second chance, a chance our grandparents didn’t have. There is time and space to look at new opportunities, maybe a new career – this is about you! This is the time to review who you really are and the tenets you live by. It is a time for new beginnings, and adventures, however without proper preparation it can be a time without focus, a time of regret and of lost opportunity. Preparation should include a holistic audit of not only our financial health, but also our physical, emotional and spiritual health - if we want to sail across the ocean, are we physically and emotionally ready? Even if our goal is to play 10,000 games of golf, would we be physically able to do so?
Finally the end of the Third Act is a time for paring down, increased frailty and loss of sense, health or mind – the curtain comes down and we face the inevitable end of life, without regret.
'Each of us will have a third age, not all of us will have a Third Act'. Edward Kelly
Are you in transition? What do you have in mind for this next stage in your life? Do you need some additional insights, or support to prepare you for this new stage? How is society treating you, is there an assumption that maybe you're just checking out, or are there supports there for you?
Does this column resonate with you? Comment below and let me know how you are preparing for your Third Act
So I'm packed and ready to go - feeling sooooo excited! First off to Ottawa, so had to pack some sober clothes as I'm presenting on Succession Planning in Non Profits. Then my friend Christine is flying in and we'll be staying with another friend of hers for the weekend and exploring Ottawa! This will be the start of Christine and Maeve's Excellent, Amazing Adventure. Off we go then to Boston to meet Number one son who graduates from Berklee, I'm so proud of him! We'll spend a week with him, enjoying Boston, eating and probably drinking a wee bit, but most of all celebrating his success - he also graduates on his birthday - surely a good omen.
As you can see two half empty suitcases! I'll just have to do a little shopping. Suitcases have some books, along with my e-ready, sometimes I just have to feel the paper in my hands. Bringing my knitting, I have a top I took apart as it was knit in the round and too short, I need to have it a quite a bit longer, however since it is on round needles it means I won't poke my neighbour on the plane!
One of the things I like to do before I travel is to put new sheets on my bed so that when I come home I have beautifully fresh sheets that first night tired after travelling. It's one of my peculiar foibles.... we all have them. Another is to put a fresh set of clothes into my hand luggage, along with my toothbrush and face wipes. I've lost my luggage so often over the years that I now try and ensure I have something to sleep in, clean my face and teeth and change into the next day...
It's funny writing these blog posts, I can see the statistics and know there are people reading, or at least looking, at the blog, but I'm not sure how many of you enjoy it. It's a very strange relationship - sort of having a diary that everyone reads but no one talks about! Do leave a comment or note on your thoughts of my posts, or even like me on Facebook, which will allow me to access all sorts of information. Thank you!
Today is the last few days of April and I'm trying not to look at any of my electronic devices when I get up in the morning. A challenge I've broken because my meditations are on my computer. So I've compromised and only grab the computer for meditation purposes - I've set it up so that I go straight to the icon, and let me say - it's tough. The computer is there, maybe I can just check up on Facebook and see what's happening with family and friends or maybe I should just check my phone to ensure my kids are okay!! The excuses are great however I'm not succumbing and have now also decided that about an hour before bed, I'm turning them off. This is to try and allow me to have a better sleep which has for most nights worked!
I'm really pleased with this challenge and it has made me much more aware of what was happening to my sleep patterns, having a computer/iPad, a cell phone and any other electronic item on or beside the bed. Now except for the iPad they are all out of the room. I use it as both an alarm and as access to my meditations. Again I'm going to keep this challenge going - it's healthy for me. How do you manage your devices? Have you thought about what you have in your bedroom at night, having never been one for a TV in my room, it is not a problem for me, but slowly the other items crept into my room without me even being aware - could you change this one habit? Try it, and let me know how you do!
I'm off to Eastern Canada to Ottawa, (a city I don't know at all), this week, for the last few days of my challenge, and still thinking about what May's should be. I'm continuing with my Yoga and Pilates, however I would like to incorporate some outdoor time into my routine now that Spring is here and the days are longer and brighter. So I think I'll add at least 5 days of outdoor walking/biking a week during May! This does allow for a couple of lazy days, but because writing here makes me accountable I'm much more likely to keep the resolution. Too after Ottawa, I'm off to BOSTON - a city I do like and which is so great to walk around. I'm going to my eldest's son's graduation!!!! So proud of my young man - it will be awesome, a friend is coming with me to celebrate, always fun to have a pal, we'll enjoy lots of exploring, good food and great music! So expect a few posts during the next few weeks of our Excellent Adventures!
March is month three of my year long challenge - if you remember I decided to add Pilates and/or Yoga to each day. Well only halfway through the month, I'd lost two days, not back to back, but in the same week and now at the end of the month I've lost 6 days, however I don't see that as a failure rather I look at it as adding at least 20 days of exercise that I may not have had. When I look back at the days I wasn't able to exercise, I see a pattern, not being a morning person, I usually exercise, meditate, write or do anything else that takes time in the evenings. My mornings are usually taken up with getting ready, interspersed with peeks at e-mail, Facebook etc... in other words electronic media - guess what next months challenge will be!
So going back to the pattern of why I lost the days of exercise - they were all evenings that I got home late, and by late usually after 9:00 pm, I was tired, bone weary and I hadn't really eaten properly during the day, so late, tired and hungry, obviously for me not a good mixture - so now for the next month I have to be more aware of later evenings and either get up earlier on those nights I know I am going to be late and do my yoga or pilates, as well as bringing something that I can eat, rather than buying a chocolate bar - being tired isn't something I can do much about other than trying to get more sleep - another months challenge option.
It's fascinating to me that I find it easier to cut things from my life rather than add them, maybe I need to take a closer look at how I spend my time away from my office(s). Granted there are nights I need to bring home work, but in-between getting home and beginning this work, maybe I could fit in my exercise. I know there will always be days that I can't exercise for one reason or another, but I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm determined to continue making this a priority and that soon it will become a habit. I was reading lately about a study led by Phillippa Lally, PhD, a psychologist at University College London, that found it actually took people 66 days (9.5 weeks) for a behavious to become automatic, so I have a wee while yet. Meanwhile, from Tuesday I'm not looking at my e-mail, or any other electronic device that I have, in the morning until I'm ready to work - no more peeking at it when I awake or as I get ready!
Now I'm three months into my challenge what I have found is that pressing the reset button in January and February and then adding exercise this month has allowed me to become healthier. I'm looking at this year as a total reset of bits and pieces of my life - so what next. April, cutting back on electronic devices, May - I'm not sure., if you have any ideas send them to me. What is also great is that I'm enjoying the challenges I've set - an end date in sight makes it easier to manage each change, and once I get into the mindset it's not so difficult.
So what changes have you made in your life recently, how are they going?
So I'm back painting, which allows me great globs of time to think. So a warning, you'll probably find a lot of posts over the next few days as I unload my thoughts!
Today my music was very eighties - Bruce Springsteen, Eurythmics and more recent Bruno Mars, great bopping (dancing) music. I had a lot to think about - yesterday we celebrated International Women's Day with a coffee hour hosted by Olympian and MLA (Politician) Michelle Stilwell who invited another Canadian Olympian, a former MLA and the ED of our local Women's Transition House to talk about what drove them to pick their careers, who inspired them and what they hope for the future! It was both exhilarating and inspiring.
While painting I thought back to yesterday and thought 'okay but what now? What are those 130 Women of all ages and walks of life going to do, change, today as a result of what they heard yesterday?' It is so easy to walk away feeling great, then as the 'tyranny of the urgent' takes over the excitement we experienced disappears and is forgotten. So I'm challenging you to think what could you do this year to make a difference in a women or girls' life? I've loads of ideas, of course! What about helping the single mum by offering to drive her child once a month to their activity of choice, allowing the mum to rest? What about mentoring a girl in high school or university? Volunteering your time once a month to a women's charity?, like your local transition house. What about in your professional life, how about mentoring a young women coming into the profession? Try it.
What am I doing, since it is my suggestion! I've done a number of things which I will continue - I mentor/coach someone who is new to the non-profit profession, a program I was involved in last year and enjoyed, so I volunteered to continue this year with another individual - we introduced ourselves via e-mail this week. I also joined a great group www.tenthousandcoffees.com
We’re a team of young people who believe that the next generation has incredible potential just waiting to be unlocked. The problem? There’s a gap between the leaders of today and the social generation. We built Ten Thousand Coffees to be the solution: to bridge that gap and help people connect in a way that’s never been done before.
Business leaders go for coffee all the time, but they’re restricted to their personal networks of friends and family. Ten Thousand Coffees is democratizing the coffee experience by opening it up to
youth all over Canada.
The conversations I've had so far have been incredibly interesting, and with young women. Ten Thousand Coffee has a new idea and a great one. Those women I've had the privilege of talking too are not from my side of Canada and with technology today it's easy to talk.
I believe each of us has a lot of value inside, we just have to open up and share - start with a smile at the bus stop or at the car beside when you're stuck in a traffic jam! Take it a bit further and listen, really listen to a friend or colleague when they are unloading or trying to sort out a problem out loud - don't let your mind wander, even if you've heard the story a hundred times, sit and listen. All of us have amazing talents, we just have to share them. A professor at the University when I took my coaching certificate used to say, 'what people really want is to be seen, heard and understood', and it's so true. I love watching people blossom as they grow in confidence, it's my payback
So I challenge you to think about what you can do this year, let me know and return in one year and let me know how it went!
Maeve O'Byrne's Blog