It's funny writing these blog posts, I can see the statistics and know there are people reading, or at least looking, at the blog, but I'm not sure how many of you enjoy it.  It's a very strange relationship - sort of having a diary that everyone reads but no one talks about!  Do leave a comment or note on your thoughts of my posts, or even like me on Facebook, which will allow me to access all sorts of information.  Thank you!

Today is the last few days of April and I'm trying not to look at any of my electronic devices when I get up in the morning.  A challenge I've broken because my meditations are on my computer.  So I've compromised and only grab the computer for meditation purposes - I've set it up so that I go straight to the icon, and let me say - it's tough.  The computer is there, maybe I can just check up on Facebook and see what's happening with family and friends or maybe I should just check my phone to ensure my kids are okay!!  The excuses are great however I'm not succumbing and have now also decided that about an hour before bed, I'm turning them off.  This is to try and allow me to have a better sleep which has for most nights worked!

I'm really pleased with this challenge and it has made me much more aware of what was happening to my sleep patterns, having a computer/iPad, a cell phone and any other electronic item on or beside the bed.  Now except for the iPad they are all out of the room.  I use it as both an alarm and as access to my meditations.  Again I'm going to keep this challenge going - it's healthy for me.  How do you manage your devices?  Have you thought about what you have in your bedroom at night, having never been one for a TV in my room, it is not a problem for me, but slowly the other items crept into my room without me even being aware - could you change this one habit?  Try it, and let me know how you do!

I'm off to Eastern Canada to Ottawa, (a city I don't know at all), this week, for the last few days of my challenge, and still thinking about what May's should be.  I'm continuing with my Yoga and Pilates, however I would like to incorporate some outdoor time into my routine now that Spring is here and the days are longer and brighter.  So I think I'll add at least 5 days of outdoor walking/biking a week during May!  This does allow for a couple of lazy days, but because writing here makes me accountable I'm much more likely to keep the resolution.  Too after Ottawa, I'm off to BOSTON -  a city I do like and which is so great to walk around.  I'm going to my eldest's son's graduation!!!! So proud of my young man - it will be awesome, a friend is coming with me to celebrate, always fun to have a pal, we'll enjoy lots of exploring, good food and great music!  So expect a few posts during the next few weeks of our Excellent Adventures!

So I'm back painting, which allows me great globs of time to think.  So a warning, you'll probably find a lot of posts over the next few days as I unload my thoughts!

Today my music was very eighties - Bruce Springsteen, Eurythmics and more recent Bruno Mars, great bopping (dancing) music.  I had a lot to think about - yesterday we celebrated International Women's Day with a coffee hour hosted by Olympian and MLA (Politician) Michelle Stilwell who invited another Canadian Olympian, a former MLA and the ED of our local Women's Transition House to talk about what drove them to pick their careers, who inspired them and what they hope for the future!  It was both exhilarating and inspiring.

While painting I thought back to yesterday and thought 'okay but what now?  What are those 130 Women of all ages and walks of life going to do, change, today as a result of what they heard yesterday?'  It is so easy to walk away feeling great, then as the 'tyranny of the urgent' takes over the excitement we experienced disappears and is forgotten.  So I'm challenging you to think what could you do this year to make a difference in a women or girls' life?  I've loads of ideas, of course!  What about helping the single mum by offering to drive her child once a month to their activity of choice, allowing the mum to rest?  What about mentoring a girl in high school or university?  Volunteering your time once a month to a women's charity?, like your local transition house.  What about in your professional life, how about mentoring a young women coming into the profession?  Try it. 

What am I doing, since it is my suggestion!  I've done a number of things which I will continue - I mentor/coach someone who is new to the non-profit profession, a program I was involved in last year and enjoyed, so I volunteered to continue this year with another individual - we introduced ourselves via e-mail this week.  I also joined a great group www.tenthousandcoffees.com 

We’re a team of young people who believe that the next generation has incredible potential just waiting to be unlocked. The problem? There’s a gap between the leaders of today and the social generation. We built Ten Thousand Coffees to be the solution: to bridge that gap and help people connect in a way that’s never been done before.

Business leaders go for coffee all the time, but they’re restricted to their personal networks of friends and family. Ten Thousand Coffees is democratizing the coffee experience by opening it up to 
youth all over Canada.

The conversations I've had so far have been incredibly interesting, and with young women.  Ten Thousand Coffee has a new idea and a great one.  Those women I've had the privilege of talking too are not from my side of Canada and with technology today it's easy to talk.

I believe each of us has a lot of value inside, we just have to open up and share - start with a smile at the bus stop or at the car beside when you're stuck in  a traffic jam!  Take it a bit further and listen, really listen to a friend or colleague when they are unloading or trying to sort out a problem out loud - don't let your mind wander, even if you've heard the story a hundred times, sit and listen.  All of us have amazing talents, we just have to share them.  A professor at the University when I took my coaching certificate used to say, 'what people really want is to be seen, heard and understood', and it's so true.  I love watching people blossom as they grow in confidence, it's my payback


So I challenge you to think about what you can do this year, let me know and return in one year and let me know how it went!

It was a dark and dreary day, (I've always wanted to write that line!). Rain pouring down, it was as if the day was trying to make us as miserable as possible!  I decided it was an ideal day to stay home, have a leisurely late breakfast and tackle some of the painting I have left undone, forever.  So after breakfast in bed with my latest read 'The Trial of Fallen Angels', by James Kimmel, Jr., which despite the title isn't as dark as it sounds, I got up and dressed for painting.  

I am the messiest painter out there, most of the spare paint somehow lands on me, so I now designate old special paint clothes that I throw out after each job. These days I'm painting the wood ceiling and shelving in my loft, I want to have more light up there all year round.  Like any 'have to' jobs I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time getting psyched up, funny actually as I quite like painting.  It gives me time to think, ruminate over my week, wrestle with problems or just go off on tangents.  There are a few things however that I need to bring with me, first coffee, then water and finally music - to paint I prefer what my sister terms 'bubble gum' music, stuff that I can dance to, stuff from my teen years right up to today and to which I can sing along to as loudly as I wish!!

The music is always upbeat, and allows my mind to jump all over the place - it makes me feel happy.  I think of my younger son who cringes at his aunt and myself and our love of this music, at his brother who understands the genius behind those that can create such sounds and my sister who coined the phrase 'bubble gum' music, I can see her dancing in the night!  

Today, as I painted I thought of a friend who had contacted me during the week to apologize for not being in touch, personal problems she explained.  I had invited her to come over, anytime, we could have a bottle of wine, talk and she could sleep over in one of the kids beds. Her contacting me made me think of how often we don't reach out to others when we have problems.  I'm guilty, are you?  When I first became a single parent, I told no one that my husband and I had split, other than my family and with the closest relative probably over 10,000 km away it was an expensive conversation any day!  I think what stopped me from telling friends was pride and fear of everything, from how would we survive to how would I survive financially?  Don't ask me what telling people had to do with any of those and the hundreds of other reasons I had but then I felt there was a connection!  Mixed in was also relief, and from that relief a little shame that I would feel so!! How crazy is that?  What was actually a good thing for me and my kids, and I told myself that I should feel shameful for feeling relief - sometimes we should smack ourselves for our own foolish self talk.  How much easier would life have been, how much less lonely I would have felt if I had confided in others during those years.  Instead I closed in on myself.  Now I'm not exactly an open book today, but I have learned over the years to reach out

It sounds like that I spent my afternoon thinking somewhat negative deep thoughts, when it was actually lots of fun.  As I said I'm painting the ceiling and I have to do it in stages otherwise I get a bit glassy eyed at the thought of doing the whole undercoat at once.  So each time I go up there I give myself a certain portion to paint, before I'm allowed to go onto something else - like diving into the books I've taken down from the shelves (I can sort and maybe give away a few). Or check out a new pattern, look at my fabric stash and start imaging what I could make.  My challenge is there is so much to play with, and I want to do it all - NOW!  So I need to give myself a goal before I move onto something else - a skill I've learned over the years as I get to know myself better.  Today, I only stopped because I ran out of paint!  

So who do you talk to when you are fearful, or when life kicks you in the knees?  Take a look around, there are so many people out there who are willing to help, you just have to ask!  

I was invited to the Survivors dinner, Dragonboat Festival, the 11th, over $2 Million raised for diagnostic and operating equipment.  I sat at the front and watched as women young and old greeted each other.  Some came from down the road, others from flood ridden Calgary.  Each of these men and women have a story, each a survivor of Breast Cancer.  Some friends from last year weren't able to come, others will never return - they lost their fight.  I sat and marvelled at the courage and felt privileged that I for a few hours became part of their fight.  They laughed and teased each other, dressed to the nines for the dance competition later - the songs they chose ranging from Swan lake to Stronger inspired by this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaQdwTsVtCY).  And me, I was invited to say thank you and what I wanted to do was go away, hide and cry - why?  These are incredibly strong women and men, who have battled and are winning their individual fight, why am I so emotional?  Is it my ego, am I crying for myself and my fears? I acknowledge that some is  fear but what else pushes that button that brings tears? Is it guilt that I have, to date, avoided this disease on my dance card?  As I sat and watched these women and men, it occurred to me that I was avoiding the question?  I skipped around it, testing, but I don't want to answer, I'm letting my fear take over.  There is no big question today, no clever discussion - just a thought - when did you last look at the good in your life and give thanks and love to those around you?

So when do I learn to take my own advice.  Returning to full time work this week, I work one six hour day, good; another nine hour day and the third twelve hours, consequently the fourth day I crash!  This after major surgery and two months recuperating, why would I do this to myself, particularly when I would advise others to take their time, come back slowly,  don't over do it... 

Thanks to Jeanie, we had that and another conversation today - what is it that makes us so hard on ourselves, harder, much harder than we would on others.  Why is our self talk so cruel, the things we say to ourselves, in our minds, we would never say to family and friends and/or colleagues, the stories we tell ourselves that sabotage our efforts to move forward - so what can we do to change this mindset?  One way is to catch ourselves in this negative self talk, reverse it, laugh at ourselves and and ask why? Why did we say that?  What was that about?  Try it and let me know how you do, me I'm going to rest!