Thoughts and such like.....
In my blog and on my website, I've talked about the Third Act and some of you have asked what do I mean by The Third Act? This was an idea introduced to me by my friend Edward Kelly. Ed introduced and has taught the concept for the past few years initially in Ireland and now across Europe. We are living longer, and the idea of retirement, as conceived in our parents and grandparents day has changed.
Image your life as a play. The beginning, Act One, like a play sets the stage for your life: You are born and the influences you have during childhood and adolescence, the family you are born into, where you live, the principals and values that are instilled in you and that you may still live by are formed during this time. This is the nature/nurture period, and sets the stage for your Second Act.
In your Second Act, there may be further development and learning – like the second act of a play there is growth, maybe complications. You are independent, building a career, partnering, bringing up a family, saving for later… Independent, however as you progress through this act there are often others dependent on you. Often in a play the Second Act ends with questions, so too as we transition to the end of this act, we wonder - What happens next? What should I do now? Is this old, I don't feel old? How do I proceed without the structures and supports that I have had throughout my lifetime? Is this it?
Our Third Act is a time for reflection and transformation, longevity has given us the gift of time, today there is a second chance, a chance our grandparents didn’t have. There is time and space to look at new opportunities, maybe a new career – this is about you! This is the time to review who you really are and the tenets you live by. It is a time for new beginnings, and adventures, however without proper preparation it can be a time without focus, a time of regret and of lost opportunity. Preparation should include a holistic audit of not only our financial health, but also our physical, emotional and spiritual health - if we want to sail across the ocean, are we physically and emotionally ready? Even if our goal is to play 10,000 games of golf, would we be physically able to do so?
Finally the end of the Third Act is a time for paring down, increased frailty and loss of sense, health or mind – the curtain comes down and we face the inevitable end of life, without regret.
'Each of us will have a third age, not all of us will have a Third Act'. Edward Kelly
Are you in transition? What do you have in mind for this next stage in your life? Do you need some additional insights, or support to prepare you for this new stage? How is society treating you, is there an assumption that maybe you're just checking out, or are there supports there for you?
Does this column resonate with you? Comment below and let me know how you are preparing for your Third Act
March is month three of my year long challenge - if you remember I decided to add Pilates and/or Yoga to each day. Well only halfway through the month, I'd lost two days, not back to back, but in the same week and now at the end of the month I've lost 6 days, however I don't see that as a failure rather I look at it as adding at least 20 days of exercise that I may not have had. When I look back at the days I wasn't able to exercise, I see a pattern, not being a morning person, I usually exercise, meditate, write or do anything else that takes time in the evenings. My mornings are usually taken up with getting ready, interspersed with peeks at e-mail, Facebook etc... in other words electronic media - guess what next months challenge will be!
So going back to the pattern of why I lost the days of exercise - they were all evenings that I got home late, and by late usually after 9:00 pm, I was tired, bone weary and I hadn't really eaten properly during the day, so late, tired and hungry, obviously for me not a good mixture - so now for the next month I have to be more aware of later evenings and either get up earlier on those nights I know I am going to be late and do my yoga or pilates, as well as bringing something that I can eat, rather than buying a chocolate bar - being tired isn't something I can do much about other than trying to get more sleep - another months challenge option.
It's fascinating to me that I find it easier to cut things from my life rather than add them, maybe I need to take a closer look at how I spend my time away from my office(s). Granted there are nights I need to bring home work, but in-between getting home and beginning this work, maybe I could fit in my exercise. I know there will always be days that I can't exercise for one reason or another, but I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm determined to continue making this a priority and that soon it will become a habit. I was reading lately about a study led by Phillippa Lally, PhD, a psychologist at University College London, that found it actually took people 66 days (9.5 weeks) for a behavious to become automatic, so I have a wee while yet. Meanwhile, from Tuesday I'm not looking at my e-mail, or any other electronic device that I have, in the morning until I'm ready to work - no more peeking at it when I awake or as I get ready!
Now I'm three months into my challenge what I have found is that pressing the reset button in January and February and then adding exercise this month has allowed me to become healthier. I'm looking at this year as a total reset of bits and pieces of my life - so what next. April, cutting back on electronic devices, May - I'm not sure., if you have any ideas send them to me. What is also great is that I'm enjoying the challenges I've set - an end date in sight makes it easier to manage each change, and once I get into the mindset it's not so difficult.
So what changes have you made in your life recently, how are they going?
So I'm nearly half way through my chocolate-less month and I have to admit it is as difficult as I thought it would be! Even chocolate covered ginger is out! Plus after visiting the British sweet store in Victoria this week, I have decided that I have to also cut sugar from my diet. This came to me as I happily chewed my way up the Island highway! What was I doing? I didn't consciously decide, but without thinking I was jeopardizing the good I was trying to achieve by cutting out chocolate for a month. What a eijit! (a good descriptive Irish word)
So I've decided that apart my yummy cereal, which is almost all nuts and seeds with a wee bit of honey, I'm cutting out sugar too! I started this on Saturday and so far so good, I've been replacing the candy with fruit not quite the same, but it is working. In the meantime, I've been thinking how funny it is that we do this, we make a decision about changing a habit and then test ourselves consciously or unconsciously by doing something to jeopardize what we are trying to achieve. A book that discusses how habits work and suggests how to change them, is "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. I read it recently and really enjoyed it. It gave me the idea to quit alcohol for the month of January and now chocolate in February. Pressing the reset button!
So as I continue my challenge, let me know what you think.
I've always said that if you are going to eat chocolate, you must eat the best chocolate you can afford! It's the last day of January and I decided to indulge myself with some spectacular chocolate from my friend Christine's shop. Tomorrow I begin my chocolateless month. No temptations please.
So for me, today means tea and chocolate - yum. I have two of my favourites, salted caramels and hazelnut cups, plus a gift from Christine of a lavender and I can't remember what else filled it, it was good too. I'll keep a couple for my tea tonight the rest are gone......
I seem to be talking to a lot of people about Succession Planning and it appears to me that like death and taxes, it's not something people, particularly people at the top of an organization want to think about. Why not? I've come to the conclusion it's a bit like death and taxes, we don't want to think that far ahead, for some it's frightening, a step into the unknown, others think 'why rock the boat', I'll/we'll think about it when we have to.
Who should think about Succession?
I believe that both the Board and the CEO should be responsible for, and worry about Succession and yes, it should begin with a capital, it is that important. There should be both an Emergency plan, for three months or less, and a plan for when it's time for goodbye.
One of the reasons I believe that these conversations are happening now, is the number of changes taking place at the top of many organizations - some have been somewhat clumsy, with games of musical chairs at the top, others seem to have got it right, but have they, how many organizations do you know that after the long tenure of a CEO, there seem to be a number of individuals rotating through the CEO's office over a short period of time. A succession plan can help smooth the transition from one leader to another.
When should we think about Succession planning?
As soon as possible, it's easy to put it off when things are going well, however that's probably the best time to develop your plan? If you're in the middle of transition, or you are playing musical chairs - it is not too late, however you need to start straight away, don't go blindly into picking another leader without being absolutely sure of what/who you are looking for. Some of the questions that should be asked include:
What are the attributes that we are looking for in our next CEO?
How will we go about the search for a new CEO - by ourselves/using a search firm?
What is our timeline?
Time must be spent reviewing who we are and what we are looking for. Each Board orientation/annual review
must include a review of the Succession plan to ensure that it follows the current needs of the organization.
Succession planning is not a once in a while operation, it must be part of Board work and should be part of the Board's fiscal responsibility. It is also important for the Board to have it's own Succession plan, asking who will be following us in guiding our organization? It is also the responsibility of the CEO to ensure that not only does the Board have a CEO Succession plan, but also that she/he has a plan for the organization in the same way - what happens when a key staff member decides to leave, who can carry out those responsibilities while they search for a new colleague.
So if you're serious about Succession planning and need to start, or review your plan, let's talk.
I was invited to the Survivors dinner, Dragonboat Festival, the 11th, over $2 Million raised for diagnostic and operating equipment. I sat at the front and watched as women young and old greeted each other. Some came from down the road, others from flood ridden Calgary. Each of these men and women have a story, each a survivor of Breast Cancer. Some friends from last year weren't able to come, others will never return - they lost their fight. I sat and marvelled at the courage and felt privileged that I for a few hours became part of their fight. They laughed and teased each other, dressed to the nines for the dance competition later - the songs they chose ranging from Swan lake to Stronger inspired by this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaQdwTsVtCY). And me, I was invited to say thank you and what I wanted to do was go away, hide and cry - why? These are incredibly strong women and men, who have battled and are winning their individual fight, why am I so emotional? Is it my ego, am I crying for myself and my fears? I acknowledge that some is fear but what else pushes that button that brings tears? Is it guilt that I have, to date, avoided this disease on my dance card? As I sat and watched these women and men, it occurred to me that I was avoiding the question? I skipped around it, testing, but I don't want to answer, I'm letting my fear take over. There is no big question today, no clever discussion - just a thought - when did you last look at the good in your life and give thanks and love to those around you?
So when do I learn to take my own advice. Returning to full time work this week, I work one six hour day, good; another nine hour day and the third twelve hours, consequently the fourth day I crash! This after major surgery and two months recuperating, why would I do this to myself, particularly when I would advise others to take their time, come back slowly, don't over do it...
Thanks to Jeanie, we had that and another conversation today - what is it that makes us so hard on ourselves, harder, much harder than we would on others. Why is our self talk so cruel, the things we say to ourselves, in our minds, we would never say to family and friends and/or colleagues, the stories we tell ourselves that sabotage our efforts to move forward - so what can we do to change this mindset? One way is to catch ourselves in this negative self talk, reverse it, laugh at ourselves and and ask why? Why did we say that? What was that about? Try it and let me know how you do, me I'm going to rest!
As I heal from my surgery, I'm discovering new things about myself, some I'm okay with, others have surprised me and some I need to leave behind!
I am I believe with others, patient and practical I encourage them to be realistic when setting goals, I urge them to be patient about acquiring new habits, learning new skills and I suggest to them that they practice, practice, practice. So why do I find it so difficult to follow my own advice? As I recover from my surgery I am discovering that I want to heal - NOW. That I really don't want to do my exercises every day and that I have to be patient with the healing process - some days are going to be better than others, and look where I am now compared to six weeks ago.
I am getting a new appreciation of the hurdles clients face when they approach challenges in their lives. So what is it about us, that makes us so impatient, unforgiving and unrealistic about ourselves in ways that we would not be to our friends? What is it that is so difficult in change, and changing habits? One thing I'm realizing is that for me, changing one thing at a time is easier than trying to change a whole load of things at once. For others I know they feel better if they can just make a whole load at once. So each day I practice up and down the stairs, sometimes if I'm feeling good, I'll go on my stationary bike and/or add another exercise and later on every second day I work on my arms, continuing with my weight training. I'm changing my diet, I have time to review what I eat - more protein and lots of vegetables and fruit all aiding my internal recovery.
I can look at the positives in my life, and I can continue working acknowledging and honouring my limits. What are you challenged by, and how are you working to overcome, acknowledge and honouring these challenges?
I'm confined to my home, a new knee in place and the journey back to wellness - I believe the health is there, the wellness is getting the new knee to straighten and bend. So what is my goal - by next March 2014 I want to sit cross legged again! And to achieve this I must work at the exercises that I have been given by my healthcare team - it's going to be challenging and there will be good days and bad days, but I have a clear goal in front of me - now to break it down into smaller steps. I'm treating this like many other goals, small steps that move me forward.
One amazing discovery I have made since I arrived at home is that I am so lucky, I live on my own for the most part, I have no family close by, there are no nurses coming to visit, just the incredible generosity of friends who have put their lives aside to ensure that my journey to wellness is as easy as it can be. I am overwhelmed and inspired by the number of people, who when I put my pride aside and asked for help, have been so giving. Checking in with me each day, popping in with ice, food and company. Ensuring that I can get to the appointments that have been made for me by my healthcare team. It appears so simple, ask for help and friends willingly show up, however that first step is amazingly difficult to take, for me anyway. What was it that made it so difficult - pride? the unwillingness to 'burden' others; the difficultly of showing others, good friends though they might be, the me underneath the paint and make up? It interests me that it was such a big step for me, me who values my privacy, me who could do anything - I had to. How much of my life journey may have been different if I had asked for help during those years on my own with my boys? What is it that holds us back. I spoke to one women some time ago about a difficult period in her life and why she hadn't done things in a different way - her response was that she didn't want anyone to know her business. I asked why not - she wouldn't/couldn't answer. She is stuck and unwilling to become unstuck - I can show her how, but she must make the decision.
I'm interested in my reaction, what was it in my life that stopped me opening to others? Was there a time when I was more open, what happened that changed things - sure I can blame it on my childhood, but it was my choice. Why did I make that choice, and how am I going to change my way of being when another challenge comes? What about you, can you think back to a moment in time when you made a choice, and another when you changed that choice? For now I'm thankful that I made that decision to ask for help, what a wonderful gift I allowed myself, my thanks to others is in allowing them to see me - who I am, warts and all!
So I've been procrastinating, and procrastinating... I can't write my blog, what do I want to say? What am I feel passionate about that will interest people - excuses, excuses and easy to buy into and so it goes on.
So why do I have to be perfect? A question I ask others is, what would be the worst that could happen if ......? So for me what would happen if the post is not exciting/perfect etc. etc... but people will be disappointed - Question: are my posts that important? No one will read me again - Question: how do I know that that many people read them anyway.
So really what is the/my problem? Do I want to be perfect for my clients or myself - is it me and my own ego - yep that's it, that pride I was warned about it as a child, here it is again popping up it's old head again and again, writing a blog is not the only place it can get a hold, like temptation pride pops it's head up at the most inconvenient time, however unlike temptation, pride is really good at hiding itself and sometimes it takes a while to recognize what's happening. It sneaks up and then the excuses start until it's been over a month and the longer I procrastinate the more difficult it is to start again.
What's different today? What happened today that changed things? Maybe a question I've been pondering a few days now - what will it take me to start again?
So what is it that has you procrastinating on moving forward/making a decision? What would it take you to move forward? Talk to me, let me know what you think. What will it take to move you forward on something that you've been procrastinating on?
Maeve O'Byrne's Blog