Thoughts and such like.....
So during the last few months, and particularly in recent weeks, I'm learning new things about myself. I've always thought that I was fairly easy going, moving along life's path riding the waves and with a few exceptions coming out the other side intact.
Over the years I have spent time learning more about me, doing some self examination and have a better understanding of who I am. I've become much more self aware. So it comes as some surprise to me now, when I find myself fretting. I'm about to have surgery, a knee replacement, not a small thing I know, however what I have learned so far about myself is that despite the easy going exterior I show to the world, I really like to control the environment I live in and how I show up! With this surgery I have to let go, I have no control around what is going to happen to me, other than say no, and believe me at this time it is not an option if I want to have a better quality of life as I age. I have done everything I have been told, shown up at the pre-rehab information session, worked on the exercises given and more, re-organized in my mind not only that session but also the whole pre-admit process in BC hospitals! Sent out a spreadsheet to friends to organize my life after surgery, reorganized my bedroom and home to accommodate me during that time of learning to walk again. Ensured that friends and family are contacted after surgery letting loved ones especially know that I'm out and fine. And yet.... I still fret!
And so it's a time of learning, I'm amazed at the generosity of friends, of others who have gone through this operation and are willing to share their learnings. I'm also interested to listen to others who rather than encourage and applaud the decision to move forward with this operation, are negative. Quite frankly if another person tells me it is going to hurt like hell I think I'll scream - those that do for the most part haven't had the operation themselves, but they know. They continue about how difficult recovery will be, and how I'll not be able to do certain things! I find myself curious, why are they so negative? What is driving them to make such comments? It has made me conscious that I should be more mindful of comments I make when speaking with someone who is facing a hard decision, or who has made one about moving forward - what assumptions am I making about their decision, is it my life I'm basing those assumptions on, or theirs? Why be so negative when someone has obviously thought things through?
It's just over a week before I go into hospital and I find myself working to still my mind of worries, fears about the what ifs? What if something goes wrong? What if I don't make it? Have I got my papers in order (of course not!). What if ? Minds are funny things, we can't control what passes through but we can control our reaction to them. So what if something goes wrong - I can't control that, but I have trust in my surgeon, I know that the team working on me are on my side, that they will do everything in their power to make sure nothing goes wrong, the admit process that I am so critical of is just one of the check points to ensure that I am ready and able to undergo this surgery - I need to accept this and not stress out about what I can't control, rather focus on what I can - ensuring I eat well and am as prepared as I can be both before and after surgery - I follow instructions rather than knowing better than the experts. Again it makes me think about how much energy we put into focusing on our fears, usually fears of the unknown. So now I'm focusing on 'So I'm out of surgery, all is well, how can I ensure my recovery is the best it can be?' What do I look like three months from now, six months? What am I doing? Walking with friends, hiking maybe in a year I'll be snow shoeing up that same mountain that was the location of the accident that was the start of this three year journey - life will be good, because I will make it so - I'll be back in the driving seat, in control!
ps. A friend sent this link to a TED talk about how our body language shapes who you are! Enjoy
So I've been procrastinating, and procrastinating... I can't write my blog, what do I want to say? What am I feel passionate about that will interest people - excuses, excuses and easy to buy into and so it goes on.
So why do I have to be perfect? A question I ask others is, what would be the worst that could happen if ......? So for me what would happen if the post is not exciting/perfect etc. etc... but people will be disappointed - Question: are my posts that important? No one will read me again - Question: how do I know that that many people read them anyway.
So really what is the/my problem? Do I want to be perfect for my clients or myself - is it me and my own ego - yep that's it, that pride I was warned about it as a child, here it is again popping up it's old head again and again, writing a blog is not the only place it can get a hold, like temptation pride pops it's head up at the most inconvenient time, however unlike temptation, pride is really good at hiding itself and sometimes it takes a while to recognize what's happening. It sneaks up and then the excuses start until it's been over a month and the longer I procrastinate the more difficult it is to start again.
What's different today? What happened today that changed things? Maybe a question I've been pondering a few days now - what will it take me to start again?
So what is it that has you procrastinating on moving forward/making a decision? What would it take you to move forward? Talk to me, let me know what you think. What will it take to move you forward on something that you've been procrastinating on?
I've been thinking a lot about 'what next', my kids are almost grown and now it is time for me - what do I want that to look like?
Have you ever taken a chance and jumped in without thought other than your gut telling you this is right?
Too often we focus on the negatives, the what ifs and funnily enough those what ifs are always negative! What if you just did it? Leave that job, move to a different city, start that business - what if you were successful?
Ken Carlson talks about 'The Art of Jumping' on his blog:
I love the descriptions he uses to describe our excuses, and the suggestions he makes to start jumping!
I've used those excuses, and others,; What if nobody wants me to coach them? I can't just give up work and hope to find clients I've still responsibilities and promises to my children. However, that doesn't stop me getting the ball rolling - What would a full coaching practice look like? What are the first steps to putting that into place? what is my timeline, when am I going to take that jump?
What have I done to start the process: This website and blog. I've made that phone call, and set up an appointment! Now I ask myself what is the next step?
So when will you jump? If your life was just as you wanted, what would it look like?
Let me know - maybe I can help you have a wonderfully, exhilarating Jump!
Maeve O'Byrne's Blog