Another participant talked of surfing, riding the waves, cresting, going down and rising again.  We all agreed that what we are feeling is that hope is seeping into whatever reality each of us currently occupies.   What I had forgotten was that later in that poem Cohen writes ‘Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering.’

Do what you can…

In another words, do what you can.  Focus on what you can control, forget about being perfect. Do what we can!  Too often we try to do everything perfectly, to be seen as the perfect person, woman/man, business owner etc… and show the world our perfect self.  Right now, we’re being challenged to change our focus, from perfection to being perfectly imperfect.  In this article from Psychology Today, Irene Strauss Cohen, PhD  says ‘Perfectionism lives and breathes in your fear of making a mistake’.  In other words when we live in fear of making a mistake, we don’t always make the best decisions, and therefore are further away from perfection than if we had just forged ahead! 

Afraid of mistakes?

How often have you feared speaking aloud because you’re afraid you’ll make a mistake, or gone back to a project and rewritten it time and time again so that it can be perfect?  The problem is, it will never be, because you’re dealing with different perceptions of perfection.  Living in fear of not getting it right means we’re always living elsewhere, not in the present, in the moment but in the future, and often in the past, reliving those past mistakes.

Mindset

It’s a matter of mindset.  Brene Brown says that we have an inherent belief that ‘if we are perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame’.  A longing to being perfect demonstrates a need for external approval. And, that kind of approval, the one you are longing for – it will never come. 

I’m Enough

We need to decide what is important to us.  What are the values we believe in and use these to measure ourselves against.  When we begin to look internally, to think about what we are trying to accomplish and measure our enoughness (yes, my word!), against our own markers, we begin to change, and we become enough. 

Courage:

Sounds simple, hah!  It takes courage to decide to be okay with imperfection. Constant work to change our mindset, particularly because many of the impressions we have absorbed are those of others throughout our life… the well-meaning remark when you were 15 about how if you lost a few pounds you’d be beautiful, from a friend of your mothers; or the teacher who wrote that you were hopeless at math… all those remarks that we’ve taken in and made part of who we believe we are… Life is stressful enough, why are we adding to it with thoughts of worthlessness…  The friends you have, who accept you, flaws and all are the ones you want, and they will support you and accept you because of, not in spite of, your flaws.  So, stop each time you look externally for approval and tell yourself ‘I am enough’, use that energy to be you!

Resilience

Resilience is a word that has gained popularity today, but what does it mean?  Resilience is the ability to bounce back, to learn from our experiences, and where possible grow stronger from that learning.  Resilience is the ability to believe and rely on yourself, an understanding that you have control of your environment, or at least your reaction to the environment you find yourself in at any one time.  Resilience is the word we sometimes use when we see someone we admire, their strength, individuals who carry themselves in a way that exudes confidence.  Who laugh at their mistakes and move on!  Which leads us to…

The ability to let go:

Letting go of what is holding us back, of accepting that we will make mistakes and acknowledging who we really are – not who we want to be seen to be.  It’s about letting go of the stories we’ve carried with us for many years, moving forward.  Catching ourselves as we begin the dialogue of negative self-talk and changing the conversation.  It’s about…

Making our own decisions

Not looking to others for advice and expecting them to help us solve whatever it is that we are wrangling with.  To tell us what you should do, sharing our confusion, pain and anxiety with others hoping that they will have the answers, rather than looking inside for the answers.  Nobody has a better answer to our particular problem than each of us!  As we grow in confidence and accept who we are, we’re able to recognize what we want and the next step to take.  Coaching believes that each of us has the answer inside us, and as coaches our job is to help each client by asking simple questions that aid in finding the solution that is inside each of us.  You may not always get it right the first time, but that’s okay, success is in trying, as we grow in confidence in our ability to make decisions and to move toward our goals, we feel peace with where we are in life.  And the ongoing journey toward something new will bring more joy, and more rewarding as we progress.

Contact me

So, as you negotiate this crazy life, look for the cracks and find where the light comes in. Listen for those bells.  And remember, if you want a partner to push you to rediscover your inner genius, contact me…..

Gold Stars

Back to my connections, is having 1,500 connections a good thing?  Some social media platforms encourage and reward those who are able to build their connections, they get the equivalent to a child’s gold star.  But, really what is the point of having a ton of names on one’s ‘connections’ if we don’t actually connect?   I quite like people, I like learning about who they are, what they do and why they want to connect with me, that may  be as far as I’ll go, I may not connect any further, while others and I make more of an effort, we learn more about each other, we send information we believe the other person may be interested in, not sales material, not at the beginning anyway.  For me it’s about understanding how others think, what they want and if/whether I can help them.  I know some individuals come into our lives and then leave, others stay awhile and still others remain connected over many years – they are the ones we know that we can pick up the phone, go visit and the conversation will flow as if there hadn’t been an interruption of years

Requests to connect

As I’ve worked my way through connections, I continue to receive requests to connect, and now I’m asking a question of those individuals ‘why?’  Why do you want to connect with me, or ‘what’ what is it about my profile that interests you?  Most don’t answer, and so I’m not connecting, or if I have connected, then I’ll disconnect.  Some people have an electronic message and so when I post my question an electronic response is triggered, often having nothing to do with the question I posed, more to do with the sender!  And usually the sender is trying to sell their services.  

So as I’m going through these lists, I’m asking myself three questions:  How do I know this person?    Is this a good connection for me (good means: is there something I can learn from them? Are they a good friend/family? Is this a connection that I should be cultivating?).  I review their profile, and if I can’t answer in the positive then I cut the connection.  I’d rather have fewer, good connections than a mass of strangers on my feed.  It also means I can focus on the connections I have, both familiar and those I feel I need or want to spend more time with.  

Learning about me!

It also interests me that I am quite miserly with my requests to connect.  Part of the challenge is that as an introvert I am happy with the good friends I have, and yet I know and understand that as a business owner I should be more outwardly focused and connected.  I believe that one good conversation with one person out trumps a group chat where often I am silent, can’t hear myself think, let alone speak.  It’s also perhaps why I’m a good facilitator, often holding silence while ensuring everyone has a chance to say their piece, and trying to ensure that those who have something to say, are allowed to do so, rather than only allowing the loudest to be heard.

One of the things I’m starting to do, is look at who wants to connect, who are they – I google them, outside the social media profile I’ve received.  I look at photographs, and other pieces of public information.  Is this someone I want to know?  I make mistakes, however taking time and being more focused on who I’m speaking/spending time with has also made me more conscious of my connections and trying to add value to our relationship.  I’ve begun to ask myself what can I do to further our connection or relationship – business or personal.  And, if I find something I feel of is particular interest to someone, I’ll forward it to them. 

Metaphors

We could liken ourselves to a stream that comes to life small, flowing and growing as the years (miles) go by, other streams joining, sometime flowing in and other times out, eventually we may become part of a river, and then move onto the anonymity of the sea – people come in and out of our lives, we learn (hopefully) and grow from each interaction, some are wonderful others are a disappointment, maybe hurtful and yet if we sit and reflect, each provides us with something.  Sometimes the water runs slowly and we can take time to get to know another better, other times the water runs quickly, is rough or choppy and the connection is tried, some are weak and don’t survive, some are strengthened because of the turbulence.  My emotions and career may have been tossed around a few times because I made a ‘wrong’ connection, however for me the beauty of getting to know someone new, the kindness of strangers wanting to help and the joy of friendship completely overrides the importance of the number of connections.

So the next time someone reaches out to you to connect, rather than pressing the ‘connect’ button stop and ask why?  What can I do for them, and they for me?  If I decide to press connect, what will this bring to me?

Kingsley interviewed by Joseph Lantzillotta of Tangent, an innovation and entrepreneur initiative at Trinity College, Dublin.  

So what specifically is important as you move up the professional ladder? Here are my top ten habits to maintain and improve how you are viewed by peers and employers:

1. Say thank you, whether to the server at the table, or to your boss. Treat everyone as if they were an important rung in your career; they are. Don’t presume no-one is listening or watching. And if someone has supported you or done you a favour, be sure to send them a thank you.
2. Greet everyone using their name, and make introductions to anyone you know who may not know others. When introducing, don’t just say “Oh this is Jane…..” Rather, “Do you know Jane? She is the (title) in (company name if not your own)…”
3. Check and proofread emails, text or any of your communications. It’s important that the message you’re conveying is received as you wish it to be. I often say to clients, “Write the email, check it, leave it, come back and recheck it.” Ensure your spelling is correct and read it aloud to ensure you are conveying the tone and understanding you wish the receiver to get from your message. Try not to be too long-winded and if your message is complex, follow up a day later to ensure the reader has understood what you are trying to convey.  
4. Be on time. Recently a colleague of mine noted that zoom time is usually 3 – 5 minutes later than ‘on time’.  Being late is a sign of disrespect for colleagues, customers and/or clients. If you think you might be late to a meeting, let the host know beforehand. Ensure you have everything you need ready that morning/afternoon if you know there’s going to be a rush to move from one meeting to another. As with face to face meetings try to be 5 – 10 minutes early.
5. Leave your mobile alone. Whether in person or online, turn off your phone and leave it alone. If you are expecting an important call that cannot wait, inform and apologize to your host at the beginning of the meeting, and if that call does come through turn off your mic and camera until it is complete.

Mobile etiquette: I was at a meeting some years ago and a company was looking to sell us their product. Their senior manager wanted to be at the meeting and so we arranged it to meet his timetable. He was late, so eventually we began the meeting without him when he strolled in, certain in his territory, with no apology. He sat down and as we continued our conversation, he pulled out his phone and started to scroll through. I stopped talking and when my colleague moved to say something, I stopped her and we waited – in silence. Eventually he looked up and noticed the silence and my eyes on his phone. He put it down and turned it upside when I asked if he was ready to begin discussions. Needless to say, they didn’t get our business. This story illustrates what I see often on Zoom. Others are not focused on the speaker or the meeting; rather they are working on other documents or their phone. Think about the message you are sending to others. Without speaking, your body language conveys a subtle message about how you view them and the meeting itself.  

6. Zoom/video etiquette – ensure your mic and video are working.  
   1. When attending a meeting, turn your video on and your mic off (when not speaking). 
   2. As you’ve probably heard many times before, dress appropriately and keep your camera on. There’s nothing worse for a presenter or others in a meeting when one or more have their camera off. The stories in our head say, “They’re not paying attention, they are doing something else.”  Having your camera off demonstrates disrespect, a bit like pulling your phone out at a face to face meeting and scrolling/texting.  
   3. If there is a presentation with powerpoint or slides, then it is okay to turn your video off so as not to distract from the presentation. In fact, I often move all attendees off my screen so that I can see the whole presentation. However, once the presentation is finished, go back to full video.  
   4. In times of COVID, when many have children/pets in the background, try to find a quiet place to hold your meetings. Accidents do happen and that’s okay. Simply apologize and move on. Some months back I was invited to make an offer to a prospective client because I was told “You were one of the only people who didn’t turn your video off during our meeting.”  
   5. Be careful how you use the chat and double check who you are writing to – the whole group or just one other attendee. And be careful what you write – do not assume chats are confidential!  
   6. If presenting, turn notifications on your desktop off. They, too, can be distracting for you and others if you are sharing your screen.

7. If you are back in the office you may have to retrain friends and family about personal phone calls. Keep your personal calls private – move away from the common area. Besides being distracting to others it also calls attention to the perception that you cannot distinguish between professional and personal life. Let the caller know that this is not the right time for a conversation and that you will call back at a more appropriate time or just press the message button.
8. Dress appropriately – whether in person or online, remember where you are and do not, I repeat, do not dress in front of your computer. It doesn’t matter whether you think it is on or off or whether you know so. There are countless stories of people making this mistake. If in an online meeting, ensure you have everything you need around you. You don’t want to stand to get something and show the shorts/pajama bottoms or whatever else you’ve put on believing that they won’t be seen.
9. Be respectful of others’ time – whether in person or online. If you say the meeting is going to be 30 minutes, keep it so. That means if you’re the host, you’re going to have to curb people’s need to talk. Ensure your meeting rules are in place ahead of schedule: ie. individuals have 1 minute to introduce themselves.  Interrupt the endless talker with a question, “What was it you wanted to ask?”  And ensure that everyone has had the opportunity to speak.  When you respect others’ time, they will return the favour.
10. Finally remember where you are – whether you’re meeting in person or online, the same guidelines rule. Don’t eat when in an online meeting and only eat in person if it is a lunch meeting. Don’t speak with your mouth full and drink only water or coffee – in a work appropriate container. When hosting a meeting last year, in the first five minutes, I realized my tea was in my favourite cup with an emblem that read, “Let that Sh*t Go.” I quickly abandoned it and hoped that no-one was watching as I moved to my glass of water! Ensure your background is appropriate – if you don’t have a private space, ensure the space around you is clean and clear of household debris and that behind you is appropriate for a professional. I don’t use an online screen. I have a sofa with cushions, a long drawer cabinet and a watercolour hanging on my wall. I check before meetings to ensure that the sofa is clear as I have a habit of using it as a table to sort papers.

Today, we are measured by how others see us, both in person and through the lens of social media. Following the tips above will help you be sure that what others see is how you wish to be viewed.

We all grew up with certain rules of behaviour, some that served us well, others not so well. There are many rules in business. However, unlike life, we often have to learn business etiquette from observation or, if we’re lucky, through our mentors. We can completely ignore business etiquette and there are well known individuals who are known for that. However for most, manners matter as we navigate the intricacies of our professional and personal lives.  Business etiquette is not complicated nor difficult; rather it’s a way to announce to our colleagues and our profession that we are someone who believes in conscious leadership through best practices.  

We read how ill-mannered individuals are successful. However, the exception does not make the rule, and for all those who are ‘rudely’ successful, there are hundreds of others who are not and will not make it because of their behaviour and how they treat others.  

So what is business etiquette? It’s a way of behaving and being; it demonstrates who you are, what you stand for, and how you expect to be treated as well as how you treat others. We may think that with the relaxation of dress codes, remote work, social media etc. that manners don’t matter – think again, they do… and as we move into this new world, they will continue to matter. 

As the line between public and private self continues to blur, be sure to monitor yourself, your views, and how you conduct yourself whether in your professional capacity or in what you might consider your private life.  

Nowadays companies are being judged not only on their products or services, but also by those who work for them. We have seen individuals being fired for ‘unseemly’ public behaviour, bullying on social media, and a host of other acts that do not align with the values and policies of their employer. Do you know how you are seen in the public domain? Check on your social media health, search for yourself online, and don’t forget to check images! Keeping an eye on your social media is important. It’s often where companies go before hiring, so ensuring that your profile passes the “Would we want this person to represent our organization?” question is important! It’s telling that many of the top ‘social media’, electronic giant heads have a very curated social media presence. Maybe it is time you start paying attention to your business etiquette.

In my next blog later this week, I will suggest the top ten habits to maintain awareness of how you are seen by potential employers and your peers. Stay tuned!

On Saturday, twice, cyclists burst from a side trail without looking behind to see if there were any riders coming down the main path.  One in front of me, I had seen him coming and had slowed down, he didn’t look behind at all and shot out of the side trail, if I hadn’t noticed him, we would have very easily collided.  Then I watched as a cyclist squealed to a halt as a family appeared from the side trail, no one checking to see if anyone was coming on the main route.  Luckily no one was hurt however it reminded me of how sometimes in life we go blindly forward without thinking about those around us and the impact we, and our decisions, might have on them.   

We constantly make decisions, or choices as I noted in my last blog, and our decisions often impact not just us but others too.  Many decisions, even those we think are small or insignificant, can have a significant impact on our organizations and in worst-case scenarios can lead to loss of revenue and more.  When we make decisions, we need to consider all the options, look at the data, and sometimes even when we think we have all the information, we have to take a chance and use our intuition to decide what route we take.  One of the best things a leader can do is to know when to reverse a decision, or change course.  Unfortunately for some, changing course is seen as a weakness, that the first decision was a poor one and therefore they believe that they will be seen as a ‘failure’.  This is far from true, a leader or manager who can admit that ‘they got it wrong, are more likely to grow an organization by their recognition and correction than a leader who forges ahead with a bad decision that negatively impacts their organization.

I work with individuals, each of them a leader, whether it is in their job title, or not.  Each of them leads a team, supervises others, or manages a project with other individuals.  They spend time worrying about their leadership and decision-making skills, we work often on collaboration and communication.  They are concerned about their colleagues, wanting to help them, and sometimes feeling intimidated about the task ahead.  They worry about team engagement, or how to develop trust among older or longer-tenured colleagues.  They recognize that their decisions will impact their teams and other colleagues as well as how they will be viewed by these individuals.  And they seek coaching to help them build teams that produce results while supporting each other.  

They are not the people I worry about.  It is those who go into positions of leadership and trust blindly, unaware or uncaring of how their decisions impact others down the line.  They don’t concern themselves with the challenges others might face, whether it is increased workload or anxiety about individual performance.  They see only the goal that needs to be achieved and how, if not reached, it will impact them.  They don’t know how to mentor, nurture and support their colleagues and don’t worry about doing so.  They don’t recognize how their behaviour can impact the productivity of their organization.  They think words like empathy, active listening, and humility are for those who are weak. Rather than seeing their teams and colleagues as partners, they see them as competitors to be beaten.  Rather than create vision and inspiration, they create a culture of fear and dog eat dog…  

Great leaders build teams of individuals who have different skillsets and knowledge bases, they are okay with not knowing everything, they are flexible, able to adapt to different systems and methods, and they believe in collaboration not control. Good leaders are constantly striving to be better, they celebrate success with all, and then move forward to the next goal, they never stay in the same place.  They look to see best practices, hire people who aren’t afraid to challenge them, and they, in turn, support their team’s growth.  Good leaders look inwardly to learn more about themselves, about how their biases and other influences might affect their decision making and how they can use this information to be better leaders.

In today’s VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous) world, leaders are faced with complex challenges.  Challenges that are often new, with endings that are unpredictable and which seem to have no right answers.  Here leaders who are flexible, open, and honest with their colleagues about the uncertainty their organization faces, look to them for options and solutions will be the leaders that thrive.  I believe each of us has it in us to be a good leader; we just need the courage to be vulnerable, admit when we are wrong, and look to others, even those we lead for support, and make the tough decisions when necessary.  

Are there other traits of good leadership or bad leadership that I have missed?  What do you need to change in order to step up your leadership?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and left feeling hurt, dissatisfied, angry, then continued to go over that conversation time and time again.  I bet many of those people immediately forgot about you and the conversation, so why are you lending your headspace to them?  I may go over a conversation I have had with someone, however, I work hard at not letting myself self-blame (I shouldn’t have done this/that), rather I try to look at ‘what I did well’, and ‘where could I have done better’, and then I leave it alone.  I won’t wear it.  

We may not be able to choose certain things in life, however, we have a choice in how we deal with them, and so many of us tend not to realize or understand this.  We can decide whether we will allow those ‘annoying roommates in our head’ (Arianna Huffington) to stay, or whether we will move them out.  Easier said than done, I know, and it took me years to realize that I could choose how I reacted to others, conversations, changes, and whether I would allow them to live with me.  It takes practice, continual practice, and sometimes I forget and then kick myself for wasting my headspace on someone else’s problem.  Recently I was at an event, and one of the individuals made, what he considered a joke; it was sexist and nasty. I was with a couple I know and while they nervously laughed I told him ‘to stick to music’ (he was a professional musician) I wasn’t rude, my tone was neutral, however, he got the message and slunk away!  Interestingly the male of the couple, after continuing to chat with me, asked that we go back to that moment as he wanted to talk about the fact that he felt he should have done something and wondered why he hadn’t!   We talked about fear, of being judged, of retaliation and how sometimes we need to draw our line in the sand, make a choice about what is acceptable, and stick with it – no matter how uncomfortable. 

It was and is my choice not to accept sexism, racism, and all the other isms out there, I made a decision some years ago to call others out, and despite fear, despite sometimes being the only person in the room to do so, it is my choice.  I have drawn my line in the sand as to what I will accept in the behaviour of others.  

I also won’t excuse my own behaviour, blaming it on the past, my parents, old friends or whomever… We all have stories, we all have choices and when we get to a certain age we need to take responsibility for our actions.  There comes a time in life when we have to let go of blaming everyone else, yes they may have hurt us both physically and emotionally, we may feel that they stopped us from taking opportunities, however, we are now adults and can choose to heal ourselves.  We may need therapy or other support, but I believe that often the main challenge is our own mind and not wanting to take responsibility for our actions. I know this sounds simplistic and many may not agree, however, I wonder how it serves us by going back and blaming someone else, from decades ago, for our current behaviour.  

I know a number of individuals who, even in their 40’s and up, continue to blame their conduct on their parents.  To me this blame is challenging to accept, none of us had perfect childhoods, often our parents did the best they could in the circumstances, and now as adults, we have a choice to accept that our childhood was difficult, and think about how we want to ensure our kids don’t experience the same, or worse.  When we perpetuate the same habits, blaming others for our bad behaviour we’re passing on our hurt and anger to our children, colleagues, and friends.  

We have a choice to change our behaviour, to work on it and accept responsibility for our actions, to get help when we need it, and hold ourselves accountable.  We can choose how we behave. We hold the power to change, we have a choice.

I have had a couple of clients who have been working through their challenges, and what’s amazing is the relief they feel, knowing that they can let it go.  Most have gone to therapy, continue to do the work to understand why they behaved in ways that often they felt ashamed of, and now are ready to move forward to develop new habits.  It’s not always plain sailing, sometimes we need to change belief systems we’ve held for decades, or habits that have been ingrained, the key is when we begin to recognize and become aware we can begin to move forward and change.   

If you want to make changes in your life, are ready to do the work and truly look at yourself and even look at yourself as others view you, and if you need support, contact me for a complimentary session to see if coaching with me is right for you.

I looked around at the many people, hurrying around, some staring with curiosity, not willing to offer help, others stoutly looking ahead, and it struck me at how judgemental we as humans are.  Here was a man, who had fallen, yes in a city with a lot of street people, however he was obviously in trouble, yet no-one else was willing to lend a hand, in fact in my judgement most of those passing by were going to a lot of trouble to avoid being asked to help.  My mobile was out of power, I listen to stories when I walk and because of my extra-long walk I had run out of power a kilometer or so back.  I wanted to keep him talking, because even though I hadn’t seen him hit his head, he may have, and could have been concussed.

I kept talking to him all the while watching those around me, asking what is the problem?  I often chat to others, whether they’re asking me for directions or make a comment, it doesn’t matter who they are, they are all like me, maybe with less advantages or opportunities, but they’re individuals, some who despite their circumstances are quite charming and funny!  I’m not out there drumming up conversations on the street, however when someone asks me for money, or calls out a compliment, or makes a remark, it seems rude not to answer back.  I’ve had wonderful conversations with both men and women, everyone has a story.

It seems sad that because of fear or judgement we cannot lend a hand when needed.  I remember repeating the mantra all parents say to their children ‘don’t talk to strangers’, and my kids would answer ‘you do, all the time!’, and so I would explain about the good and bad of doing so.  However, it seems sometimes as adults we carry that mantra too far.  How much does it cost to throw a kind word to a homeless person, or respond to the remark thrown out in jest?  Have we so lost our humanity that anyone who doesn’t fit our version of ‘the right people’ is not worthy of an act of kindness, or do we feel that because we take our no longer wanted clothing to the thrift store that we have done our bit?  In these times of fear, and isolation, a few words and acts of kindness go a long way to supporting those in need.  

Back to my story, I stopped a young man wearing the name tag of the hotel across the street, and asked him to call the ambulance, he did so.  We were able to give them the information they needed and they came down to help.  At this stage I left, no longer needed and walked home wondering about the lack of help, thinking of my stumbles sometimes when I’m tired, would anyone stop to help me if I fell over?  Gary, for that was his name, didn’t smell of alcohol, and there was nothing that shouted to me, step away, I was a few seconds in walking up to him so there was a very short time between his fall and me coming up to him, and yet no one stopped to check if he needed help.  If we’ve learned nothing else this year, it is that changes happen, fast and unexpected.  All of us have endured challenges, some of us have weathered them better than others, we all could do with a kind word, support.  So, hug those you love, check in with them often, and when you meet that guy in the street, obviously homeless, maybe addicted, rather than judge, give him your change, or a hamburger, find compassion and thank your god that you are okay…

But what is courage?  This is the dictionary definition, however what does it mean in our day to day life?  

noun

the ability to do something that frightens one.

“she called on all her courage to face the ordeal”

strength in the face of pain or grief.

“he fought his illness with great courage”

For me, a very reticent introvert, (I love living in silence!), courage:

It’s something I’ve been endeavouring to do more and more of.  It’s not always popular – that void, noiseless space that greets my pronouncements and being okay with it.  I’ve always had that conversation in my head, now I’m putting it out into the open.  Not always comfortable however more aligned with who I am. 

I started the year with reflection, what was it that I wanted to achieve, and the word that came out was/is ‘Visibility’, making myself more visible to those who can benefit from the work I do, and for me, this is courage.  I’m much more comfortable being the person behind the scenes, this year I’m, not so much making myself, rather taking another step into the open, being me, publicly!

So what does that look like, calling out racist or sexist comments for what they, following up with a colleague pointing out what I saw as favouritism, reflecting on those issues that sit in my mind and cause me stress.  That monkey mind that chatters away, stops you sleeping, stresses you out. You probably know the problem – I may lose that connection, I may lose business, however I found peace, in my thoughts.  

I’m determined to continue this journey into courage, and see what it brings me.  Instinctively I know this is a good path to follow.  It sits well with me, and allows me not only to feel better about myself, but also follows what I believe and what drives me – that everyone needs to be heard, why not me?

What is the courageous edge for you?  How are you developing that courage muscle?  Need help?  I’m developing a new series of coaching packages, individual and group.  If you’re interested in learning more about what I do, contact me.  If you’re interested in figuring out ‘what next’, why not schedule a call – let’s see where you can go on your journey.

​And yet, we still cling to the recent tradition of retirement!

Are you trying to figure out your retirement?  What are the questions you’re think of?  Many people think it’s about finance – do I have enough money to retire?  I ask, What does retirement look like to you?

If you have a good financial person, they will ask questions around what it is that you want to do in retirement, ask questions about your health and well-being – you can’t sail around the world if you have to visit the doctor monthly or on a variety of medications that need to be monitored.  However, that doesn’t mean you can never do it – it really means what are you doing about your health today, that will allow you to carry out the dreams you have for retirement.  It may mean taking control of your health and working with health professionals to see how and what you can do to get you off those medications and into a lifestyle and exercise plan that meet your goal of sailing somewhere!

What about friendships?  Many of us find the majority of our friendships come through work, how do you plan to keep those friendships going?  Look at yourself as an example, how many friends have you had who you no longer keep in touch with now that they are retired?  This doesn’t mean that all the friends you have within your professional circle will no longer stay in touch once you retire, but it does beg the question: What are you doing to develop friendships outside work?

Thinking about retirement can bring joy or fear, maybe both.  We don’t have the structures that are there for us in our first and second Acts, we sort of left to figure it out for ourselves.  And yet, for many of us used to structure, where to start?  It’s about taking a holistic approach, breaking it down into four categories – physical, mental/emotional, spiritual and financial.  Because if you don’t know what you want to do in your retirement, how will you know what you need financially!

We run a program called the Third Act, it explores all the questions above and more.  Remember you only have one life to live, and Remember, life is for living. You only have this one life to live.  Live it to the fullest, laugh each day, try to hug at least one person, be grateful for what you have and support others who are struggling.  And, in the meantime if you are struggling to come to grips with your Third Act, send us an email and we can talk!

I am a believer in the value of preparing for the next phase of life, and deciding how you want to live.  I would love to talk with you about the benefits of defining how you can transition successfully and the changes you want to make to ensure a healthy, happy third act.  Please schedule a free 30 minute dream consultation to see how I might be able to assist you!.

Aside from the fact that it was great to visit with my sister and her family, she also understood my burnout and allowed me the space to recover, adding quiet support and time for me to recuperate from a long flight and the cold I’d caught.  She thoughtfully laid on great treats, such as a mani/pedicure on the first day after I arrived, as well as travels to other cities, and asked for nothing.

Now, as I reflect back, I couldn’t have asked for anything better.  When we work independently as solo entrepreneurs there is no one to say – ‘hey take a break’ or ‘how are you sleeping?’  We’re constantly trying to add value to the work we do for our clients, while at the same time hustling for new clients.  We stress about our finances, we stress about the future, where will we find the next client all the while trying to serve the clients we have to the best of our ability!  So all the while I was away, I was thinking about all these things and how my outlook reflects my wellbeing.

Coming home, I’ve decided to be kinder to myself….  First I had to get over my jet lag, which I didn’t struggle against, I let it happen and was gentle with myself, if I needed to take a nap, that was okay.  However, when I was away, I walked – a lot!  Exploring and comparing my fitness with my big sis, who also got me swimming, not something I do often made me realize how I sometime in busy periods neglect this part of my wellbeing.  On coming home, I wanted to continue these great habits and began with 30 minutes walking each morning, a couple of 10 minutes upper body sessions last week, and, of course, my great yoga class.

That was the easy part, now to get back into my work routine – I completed a number of contracts in December, and so I was able to away without trying to juggle time zones and zoom calls.  Coming home I needed to follow up with current clients, and connect with prospective entrepreneurs and emerging leaders who want to grow and develop.  It’s also time to restart my blogging as well writing for other on-line magazines. I could get lost in the ‘tyranny of the urgent’, frantically worrying goals I’ve set, or what my bottom line will look like at the end of the month, but instead I’m going to focus on improving on what I know is the good value I bring to clients, and trust that growth will come with the investment I’ve made and continue to make in my business.  I won’t get caught in the cycle of negative thoughts and energy thieves.  I’ve got my weekly mastermind group and a new business partner to bounce ideas off, and catch me when I’m being too hard on  myself.  These are supports I needed to put into place to help me not become my own worst enemy!

When I began my entrepreneur journey, I wanted to spend more time on my hobbies, and although I have spent some time playing in this arena, it hasn’t been to the extent that I had in mind.  So I’ve made a decision to give myself permission to play more, right now I’m cleaning up, and putting away my vacation clothes, as well as tidying up after Christmas.  Yep still putting away Christmas decorations! However, as I go through my diary, I’m adding play time. I find I work best when I calendar in all my activities, I colour code everything, this gives me the ability to look at my week and see where and how I am spending my time – if I go over, say my volunteer time then I can reflect on what occurred, and what I might need to change to ensure that I balance my week.  Notice I say week, I think trying to balance days is a little crazy, I look at my weeks and months to see how I’m spending time and compare it to how I’m feeling – sometimes it’s a mixture of too much of everything, others it’s one area of my life that’s a little crazy.  This colour system allows me to keep track of my life, and rebalance it when necessary.

How do you ensure you have time for everything in your life?  Do you have a system? I wonder at those that discuss work/life balance as for me it’s all about life, and the balance is in how we take care of ourselves and our loved ones, whether at home or work.

Remember, life is for living. You only have this one life to live.  Live it to the fullest, laugh each day, try to hug at least one person, be grateful for what you have and support others who are struggling.  Give where you can, sometimes that may be financially, but often it’s lending a shoulder or an ear, it can make a huge difference.

So, belatedly Happy New Year to you all, tell me what is the one thing you’re changing this year to increase happiness in your life?  Leave a comment below, so we can all learn from each other.