Gold Stars

Back to my connections, is having 1,500 connections a good thing?  Some social media platforms encourage and reward those who are able to build their connections, they get the equivalent to a child’s gold star.  But, really what is the point of having a ton of names on one’s ‘connections’ if we don’t actually connect?   I quite like people, I like learning about who they are, what they do and why they want to connect with me, that may  be as far as I’ll go, I may not connect any further, while others and I make more of an effort, we learn more about each other, we send information we believe the other person may be interested in, not sales material, not at the beginning anyway.  For me it’s about understanding how others think, what they want and if/whether I can help them.  I know some individuals come into our lives and then leave, others stay awhile and still others remain connected over many years – they are the ones we know that we can pick up the phone, go visit and the conversation will flow as if there hadn’t been an interruption of years

Requests to connect

As I’ve worked my way through connections, I continue to receive requests to connect, and now I’m asking a question of those individuals ‘why?’  Why do you want to connect with me, or ‘what’ what is it about my profile that interests you?  Most don’t answer, and so I’m not connecting, or if I have connected, then I’ll disconnect.  Some people have an electronic message and so when I post my question an electronic response is triggered, often having nothing to do with the question I posed, more to do with the sender!  And usually the sender is trying to sell their services.  

So as I’m going through these lists, I’m asking myself three questions:  How do I know this person?    Is this a good connection for me (good means: is there something I can learn from them? Are they a good friend/family? Is this a connection that I should be cultivating?).  I review their profile, and if I can’t answer in the positive then I cut the connection.  I’d rather have fewer, good connections than a mass of strangers on my feed.  It also means I can focus on the connections I have, both familiar and those I feel I need or want to spend more time with.  

Learning about me!

It also interests me that I am quite miserly with my requests to connect.  Part of the challenge is that as an introvert I am happy with the good friends I have, and yet I know and understand that as a business owner I should be more outwardly focused and connected.  I believe that one good conversation with one person out trumps a group chat where often I am silent, can’t hear myself think, let alone speak.  It’s also perhaps why I’m a good facilitator, often holding silence while ensuring everyone has a chance to say their piece, and trying to ensure that those who have something to say, are allowed to do so, rather than only allowing the loudest to be heard.

One of the things I’m starting to do, is look at who wants to connect, who are they – I google them, outside the social media profile I’ve received.  I look at photographs, and other pieces of public information.  Is this someone I want to know?  I make mistakes, however taking time and being more focused on who I’m speaking/spending time with has also made me more conscious of my connections and trying to add value to our relationship.  I’ve begun to ask myself what can I do to further our connection or relationship – business or personal.  And, if I find something I feel of is particular interest to someone, I’ll forward it to them. 

Metaphors

We could liken ourselves to a stream that comes to life small, flowing and growing as the years (miles) go by, other streams joining, sometime flowing in and other times out, eventually we may become part of a river, and then move onto the anonymity of the sea – people come in and out of our lives, we learn (hopefully) and grow from each interaction, some are wonderful others are a disappointment, maybe hurtful and yet if we sit and reflect, each provides us with something.  Sometimes the water runs slowly and we can take time to get to know another better, other times the water runs quickly, is rough or choppy and the connection is tried, some are weak and don’t survive, some are strengthened because of the turbulence.  My emotions and career may have been tossed around a few times because I made a ‘wrong’ connection, however for me the beauty of getting to know someone new, the kindness of strangers wanting to help and the joy of friendship completely overrides the importance of the number of connections.

So the next time someone reaches out to you to connect, rather than pressing the ‘connect’ button stop and ask why?  What can I do for them, and they for me?  If I decide to press connect, what will this bring to me?

Kingsley interviewed by Joseph Lantzillotta of Tangent, an innovation and entrepreneur initiative at Trinity College, Dublin.  

So what specifically is important as you move up the professional ladder? Here are my top ten habits to maintain and improve how you are viewed by peers and employers:

1. Say thank you, whether to the server at the table, or to your boss. Treat everyone as if they were an important rung in your career; they are. Don’t presume no-one is listening or watching. And if someone has supported you or done you a favour, be sure to send them a thank you.
2. Greet everyone using their name, and make introductions to anyone you know who may not know others. When introducing, don’t just say “Oh this is Jane…..” Rather, “Do you know Jane? She is the (title) in (company name if not your own)…”
3. Check and proofread emails, text or any of your communications. It’s important that the message you’re conveying is received as you wish it to be. I often say to clients, “Write the email, check it, leave it, come back and recheck it.” Ensure your spelling is correct and read it aloud to ensure you are conveying the tone and understanding you wish the receiver to get from your message. Try not to be too long-winded and if your message is complex, follow up a day later to ensure the reader has understood what you are trying to convey.  
4. Be on time. Recently a colleague of mine noted that zoom time is usually 3 – 5 minutes later than ‘on time’.  Being late is a sign of disrespect for colleagues, customers and/or clients. If you think you might be late to a meeting, let the host know beforehand. Ensure you have everything you need ready that morning/afternoon if you know there’s going to be a rush to move from one meeting to another. As with face to face meetings try to be 5 – 10 minutes early.
5. Leave your mobile alone. Whether in person or online, turn off your phone and leave it alone. If you are expecting an important call that cannot wait, inform and apologize to your host at the beginning of the meeting, and if that call does come through turn off your mic and camera until it is complete.

Mobile etiquette: I was at a meeting some years ago and a company was looking to sell us their product. Their senior manager wanted to be at the meeting and so we arranged it to meet his timetable. He was late, so eventually we began the meeting without him when he strolled in, certain in his territory, with no apology. He sat down and as we continued our conversation, he pulled out his phone and started to scroll through. I stopped talking and when my colleague moved to say something, I stopped her and we waited – in silence. Eventually he looked up and noticed the silence and my eyes on his phone. He put it down and turned it upside when I asked if he was ready to begin discussions. Needless to say, they didn’t get our business. This story illustrates what I see often on Zoom. Others are not focused on the speaker or the meeting; rather they are working on other documents or their phone. Think about the message you are sending to others. Without speaking, your body language conveys a subtle message about how you view them and the meeting itself.  

6. Zoom/video etiquette – ensure your mic and video are working.  
   1. When attending a meeting, turn your video on and your mic off (when not speaking). 
   2. As you’ve probably heard many times before, dress appropriately and keep your camera on. There’s nothing worse for a presenter or others in a meeting when one or more have their camera off. The stories in our head say, “They’re not paying attention, they are doing something else.”  Having your camera off demonstrates disrespect, a bit like pulling your phone out at a face to face meeting and scrolling/texting.  
   3. If there is a presentation with powerpoint or slides, then it is okay to turn your video off so as not to distract from the presentation. In fact, I often move all attendees off my screen so that I can see the whole presentation. However, once the presentation is finished, go back to full video.  
   4. In times of COVID, when many have children/pets in the background, try to find a quiet place to hold your meetings. Accidents do happen and that’s okay. Simply apologize and move on. Some months back I was invited to make an offer to a prospective client because I was told “You were one of the only people who didn’t turn your video off during our meeting.”  
   5. Be careful how you use the chat and double check who you are writing to – the whole group or just one other attendee. And be careful what you write – do not assume chats are confidential!  
   6. If presenting, turn notifications on your desktop off. They, too, can be distracting for you and others if you are sharing your screen.

7. If you are back in the office you may have to retrain friends and family about personal phone calls. Keep your personal calls private – move away from the common area. Besides being distracting to others it also calls attention to the perception that you cannot distinguish between professional and personal life. Let the caller know that this is not the right time for a conversation and that you will call back at a more appropriate time or just press the message button.
8. Dress appropriately – whether in person or online, remember where you are and do not, I repeat, do not dress in front of your computer. It doesn’t matter whether you think it is on or off or whether you know so. There are countless stories of people making this mistake. If in an online meeting, ensure you have everything you need around you. You don’t want to stand to get something and show the shorts/pajama bottoms or whatever else you’ve put on believing that they won’t be seen.
9. Be respectful of others’ time – whether in person or online. If you say the meeting is going to be 30 minutes, keep it so. That means if you’re the host, you’re going to have to curb people’s need to talk. Ensure your meeting rules are in place ahead of schedule: ie. individuals have 1 minute to introduce themselves.  Interrupt the endless talker with a question, “What was it you wanted to ask?”  And ensure that everyone has had the opportunity to speak.  When you respect others’ time, they will return the favour.
10. Finally remember where you are – whether you’re meeting in person or online, the same guidelines rule. Don’t eat when in an online meeting and only eat in person if it is a lunch meeting. Don’t speak with your mouth full and drink only water or coffee – in a work appropriate container. When hosting a meeting last year, in the first five minutes, I realized my tea was in my favourite cup with an emblem that read, “Let that Sh*t Go.” I quickly abandoned it and hoped that no-one was watching as I moved to my glass of water! Ensure your background is appropriate – if you don’t have a private space, ensure the space around you is clean and clear of household debris and that behind you is appropriate for a professional. I don’t use an online screen. I have a sofa with cushions, a long drawer cabinet and a watercolour hanging on my wall. I check before meetings to ensure that the sofa is clear as I have a habit of using it as a table to sort papers.

Today, we are measured by how others see us, both in person and through the lens of social media. Following the tips above will help you be sure that what others see is how you wish to be viewed.

We all grew up with certain rules of behaviour, some that served us well, others not so well. There are many rules in business. However, unlike life, we often have to learn business etiquette from observation or, if we’re lucky, through our mentors. We can completely ignore business etiquette and there are well known individuals who are known for that. However for most, manners matter as we navigate the intricacies of our professional and personal lives.  Business etiquette is not complicated nor difficult; rather it’s a way to announce to our colleagues and our profession that we are someone who believes in conscious leadership through best practices.  

We read how ill-mannered individuals are successful. However, the exception does not make the rule, and for all those who are ‘rudely’ successful, there are hundreds of others who are not and will not make it because of their behaviour and how they treat others.  

So what is business etiquette? It’s a way of behaving and being; it demonstrates who you are, what you stand for, and how you expect to be treated as well as how you treat others. We may think that with the relaxation of dress codes, remote work, social media etc. that manners don’t matter – think again, they do… and as we move into this new world, they will continue to matter. 

As the line between public and private self continues to blur, be sure to monitor yourself, your views, and how you conduct yourself whether in your professional capacity or in what you might consider your private life.  

Nowadays companies are being judged not only on their products or services, but also by those who work for them. We have seen individuals being fired for ‘unseemly’ public behaviour, bullying on social media, and a host of other acts that do not align with the values and policies of their employer. Do you know how you are seen in the public domain? Check on your social media health, search for yourself online, and don’t forget to check images! Keeping an eye on your social media is important. It’s often where companies go before hiring, so ensuring that your profile passes the “Would we want this person to represent our organization?” question is important! It’s telling that many of the top ‘social media’, electronic giant heads have a very curated social media presence. Maybe it is time you start paying attention to your business etiquette.

In my next blog later this week, I will suggest the top ten habits to maintain awareness of how you are seen by potential employers and your peers. Stay tuned!