Gold Stars

Back to my connections, is having 1,500 connections a good thing?  Some social media platforms encourage and reward those who are able to build their connections, they get the equivalent to a child’s gold star.  But, really what is the point of having a ton of names on one’s ‘connections’ if we don’t actually connect?   I quite like people, I like learning about who they are, what they do and why they want to connect with me, that may  be as far as I’ll go, I may not connect any further, while others and I make more of an effort, we learn more about each other, we send information we believe the other person may be interested in, not sales material, not at the beginning anyway.  For me it’s about understanding how others think, what they want and if/whether I can help them.  I know some individuals come into our lives and then leave, others stay awhile and still others remain connected over many years – they are the ones we know that we can pick up the phone, go visit and the conversation will flow as if there hadn’t been an interruption of years

Requests to connect

As I’ve worked my way through connections, I continue to receive requests to connect, and now I’m asking a question of those individuals ‘why?’  Why do you want to connect with me, or ‘what’ what is it about my profile that interests you?  Most don’t answer, and so I’m not connecting, or if I have connected, then I’ll disconnect.  Some people have an electronic message and so when I post my question an electronic response is triggered, often having nothing to do with the question I posed, more to do with the sender!  And usually the sender is trying to sell their services.  

So as I’m going through these lists, I’m asking myself three questions:  How do I know this person?    Is this a good connection for me (good means: is there something I can learn from them? Are they a good friend/family? Is this a connection that I should be cultivating?).  I review their profile, and if I can’t answer in the positive then I cut the connection.  I’d rather have fewer, good connections than a mass of strangers on my feed.  It also means I can focus on the connections I have, both familiar and those I feel I need or want to spend more time with.  

Learning about me!

It also interests me that I am quite miserly with my requests to connect.  Part of the challenge is that as an introvert I am happy with the good friends I have, and yet I know and understand that as a business owner I should be more outwardly focused and connected.  I believe that one good conversation with one person out trumps a group chat where often I am silent, can’t hear myself think, let alone speak.  It’s also perhaps why I’m a good facilitator, often holding silence while ensuring everyone has a chance to say their piece, and trying to ensure that those who have something to say, are allowed to do so, rather than only allowing the loudest to be heard.

One of the things I’m starting to do, is look at who wants to connect, who are they – I google them, outside the social media profile I’ve received.  I look at photographs, and other pieces of public information.  Is this someone I want to know?  I make mistakes, however taking time and being more focused on who I’m speaking/spending time with has also made me more conscious of my connections and trying to add value to our relationship.  I’ve begun to ask myself what can I do to further our connection or relationship – business or personal.  And, if I find something I feel of is particular interest to someone, I’ll forward it to them. 

Metaphors

We could liken ourselves to a stream that comes to life small, flowing and growing as the years (miles) go by, other streams joining, sometime flowing in and other times out, eventually we may become part of a river, and then move onto the anonymity of the sea – people come in and out of our lives, we learn (hopefully) and grow from each interaction, some are wonderful others are a disappointment, maybe hurtful and yet if we sit and reflect, each provides us with something.  Sometimes the water runs slowly and we can take time to get to know another better, other times the water runs quickly, is rough or choppy and the connection is tried, some are weak and don’t survive, some are strengthened because of the turbulence.  My emotions and career may have been tossed around a few times because I made a ‘wrong’ connection, however for me the beauty of getting to know someone new, the kindness of strangers wanting to help and the joy of friendship completely overrides the importance of the number of connections.

So the next time someone reaches out to you to connect, rather than pressing the ‘connect’ button stop and ask why?  What can I do for them, and they for me?  If I decide to press connect, what will this bring to me?

Kingsley interviewed by Joseph Lantzillotta of Tangent, an innovation and entrepreneur initiative at Trinity College, Dublin.